by Roseanna White | Mar 10, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
As many of you know, about four weeks ago I pressed “send” on a manuscript submission. Exhaling a major sigh of relief, I then focused on my son’s birthday. Went to church the next day. Got sick that evening. For the next three weeks, I battled infection and flu and who knows what else, throat blazing with pain and nose a veritable facet. Fun stuff.
But you know, it kept my mind off things, LOL.
This week I’ve felt so great that I’m daily praising the Lord for renewed health. Sure, the nose still has a little gunk, but I can breathe through it. I can taste and smell again. My stomach isn’t revolting, I have no fever. My eyes are back to full strength after the bizarre swelling, so I can read. I can edit.
I can check my email every five minutes to see if there’s anything from a certain editor yet . . . 😉
See, this is going to be a relatively quick turnaround one way or another. I’ll have a yes or no pretty soon. I think. (Unless, my imagination points out, I just never hear and they let me assume a no . . . aaaaggghhhh!) Which means that every single day, I’m praying and praying and praying, giving God not only my fears but my hopes. Turning the whole thing over to him, to his will, his dreams for me, because my little brain is stuck between “It’s finally going to happen” and “It’s never going to happen.”
I’m an optimist–this is no secret, LOL. But there’s still that niggling Doubt Monster who whispers, “Every time you hope about something like this, you’re disappointed. Your hope jinxes you.” Stupid Doubt Monster! But what are my choices? To not hope? I can’t do that. It’s not in my nature. So instead, I hope, but give it to God. I trust him with it.
Last Friday I had a great moment. I was sitting at my desk, glanced over at my email, and thought, “If an email came in from the editor right now, I would be terrified to open it. Terrified. Lord, I’m so stinking afraid about all of this!”
My Bible lay open on the corner of my desk, still at the Psalms where I’d left off the day before. I pulled it over and glanced down at the next chapter. Here’s what it said:
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid? . . .
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I see:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
I had a real “Wow” moment from that. Literally two seconds after whispering the words, “I’m afraid,” God directed my gaze toward those verses. And reminded me that my goal in life is not a contract with a major publisher. It’s dwelling in the house of the Lord. It’s beholding his beauty. It’s being his, doing his will.
God is so cool. =) Sure, waiting still stinks. But I’m waiting with the Lord. I’m doing his work while I do so.
In other awesome news (which is some of that work I’ve been doing), our publishing company,
WhiteFire Publishing, is tickled to welcome
Dina Sleiman to the family. Her medieval love story,
Dance of the Dandelion, will make its debut this summer, right on the heels of
Christine Lindsay’s romance during the British Raj in India,
Shadowed in Silk. I’m so excited to be working with these awesome ladies! =) (And not just because it keeps me busy while waiting to hear from another editor myself, LOL.)
Thanks to all who prayed for me while I was sick. You guys are the best!
by Roseanna White | Feb 24, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
In the course of writing my Annapolis story, I read through a lot of Poor Richard’s Almanack, filled with fun proverbs by Ben Franklin. I had a secondary character who quoted him constantly, and it was a ton of fun to try to weave in my favorites of his adages through the story.
One that I liked best, and which it was tricky to find a place for, was “Clean your finger, before you point at my spots.” Love that–such a clever way of saying the “clear the plank from you own eye before you point out the speck in mine” sort of thing.
Not long after I found a way to fit it in, my prayer time brought another scripture to mind that dealt with something similiar–you know the one, it says something about how God doesn’t want our sacrifices so long as we bear a grudge against our brother. To go first and settle things with him, then come back to Him.
These two things really got me thinking. How often do we ask God for something, while we’re holding a grudge against a brother or sister? How often do we not understand why something isn’t working out, yet we refuse to see our own blame? Assuming I’m not alone in the world, the answer is A LOT.
Am I jealous over others’ successes, when I ought to be rejoicing with them? If so, why should God give success to me? Am I bitter over a slight or false accusation some made against me or mine? Then why should God iron out the situation? Am I determined to find the flaws in my spouse so that I can better “understand” how I’ve been injured over the years? Then why should God strengthen my marriage?
Something I realize anew a couple times a year is that I can’t change anyone else–but I can, with God, change ME. I can’t snap my fingers and have success. But I can pray and rejoice with my friends when they do, and be a good steward of what I’m given. I can’t make people treat me fairly. But I can love them when they don’t, and work to keep relationships solid so that if a break does come, it’s not through fault and blame. I can’t make my husband do every little thing I want him to do, and if I look for things to complain about, no doubt I’d find some. But instead I can love him and ask the Lord to change me and my outlook on things. Stop resenting my honey for not getting up early with the kids, for example, and instead ask the Lord to give me the energy to do so and recognize the why of this stuff–that unlike me, my hubby doesn’t often sleep well at night.
Get what I’m saying? It’s easy to blame others. Very easy. But that’s not what God wants us to do. He instead wants us to be aware of our own flaws so that we can seek His strength in our weakness. He wants us to cleanse ourselves until we’re blameless–that way, if He does ask us to address the blemishes of others, we do it out of love, not with a filthy finger that will just make things worse when we go poking them in the chest in accusation.
This is perhaps one of the hardest things God regularly asks of me, but I can’t deny its importance. Letting Him work on me is an ongoing task . . . but one that has helped me see it’s not about what is going on in my life, but about how I react to it. It’s not about the spots of others–it’s about how clean I am.
by Roseanna White | Feb 17, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
So, we’re sick. The kids and I came down with a rather nasty cold/flu thing on Saturday p.m., and we’re still wiped from it. Xoe has barely budged from the couch for the last five days, and both the wee ones are coughing to beat the band.
Naturally, things take a different turn in me. Rather than it going into the deep cough they’ve got going on, mine moves into nasal congestion and a killer sore throat. Then–then–the eyes.
Rowyn had this on Monday evening. Eyes got all puffy and goopy, enough that I thought, “If they’re still like this in the morning, I’m taking him to the doctor.” But by morning, the eyes were better. And Rowyn’s mostly better now in general, back to playing and singing and whatnot. Yesterday about noon, though, the eye-thing hit me. Can I just say that this isn’t fun? I can’t focus on much because they keep weeping, plus it just hurts.
To make matters worse, I’m supposed to be baking a “Max & Ruby” cake for the kids’ birthday party on Saturday, and I couldn’t exactly drive to the store yesterday to get the stuff I need. I woke up stressed near to tears. Then, within minutes of whining to all my online buddies about it, asking for prayers, I could feel the swelling start to go down (weird feeling, that). So I think it’ll resolve itself in the next few hours. Phew, and praise the Lord!
All that said, I gotta also say this–though there’s never a fun time to be sick, this is actually the best possible time for this to have struck. I shudder to think what I would have done had it hit a week or two earlier, when I was trying to finish up a manuscript an editor requested. Yikes!
So while the kids might not get the extravagant cake my mind’s eye had wanted to fiddle with, I imagine I’ll come up with something. And though I’m not feeling great, I no longer have the urge to break into tears over it. And through it all, I’m determined to stay focused on how great God is for holding this off until now!
by Roseanna White | Feb 10, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I’ve got a lot to do today to meet my self-appointed deadline and get a manuscript ready to submit to a requesting editor by tomorrow. A task which would have been easy, had my critique partners not all agreed the ending needed work. I knew it needed work–but it turned into more than expected.
And, yes, for a minute yesterday I thumped my head against my desk and whined, “This book stinks and I’m a lousy writer to have made it stink. God, help me out here!!” And then I shook it off, finished the edits I was already doing, and let the right-on advice from my critters simmer.
Why I was doing this flitted through my mind throughout the afternoon. There may have been a few moments of pride when the me from a few years ago reared its ugly head and said, “What do they know? Do it your way.” But I told that voice to shut up, because I knew better. And because God has given me a beautiful opportunity here, and it’s my responsibility not to squander it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being worthy of the calling He’s given me, of being a good steward of what He’s blessed me with. That means doing my best to make this manuscript not just passable, but good. Why? Because this is my chance to get it published. This, right here. Time is an issue, yes, but it’s not one of those things where I expect an editor might say, “Well, I don’t want it now, but maybe in a few months . . .” It’s going to be yes or no. And I have to do my part to ensure that “yes.” Still doesn’t guarantee it, because much of the decision is out of my hands. But my book, my story–that’s mine, in my hands. And I’m putting it into God’s, trusting Him to show me, often through the amazing friends and critique partners He’s given me, how to make it not only better, but the best it can be.
I’m hoping and praying I get 95% of the remaining work on it done today. Because, you see, tomorrow is Rowyn’s birthday. Can we believe this kid is turning 3?? How did THAT happen? LOL. But oh my, what a fun year’s it’s been with him. He’s grown into a little boy who makes me laugh regularly, who cuddles a lot, “vroom”s a lot, and, yes, hits his sister a lot too, LOL. I find it hilarious that though he plays with girls 99% of the time–which means tea sets and baby dolls and aprons, yes–he’s such a boy while he does it. On Tuesday he had a blue apron on and was walking around with such a cowboy-saunter that he made it look like a pair of chaps with a gun holstered to his waist. He takes care of the baby dolls . . . which means putting them in a stroller and hurtling them through the house like there’s a rocket strapped to their backsides.
For his birthday, Rowyn requested one thing–a blue cake (everything MUST be blue with him, LOL). So today Mama has to go get a cake mix, toss in some food coloring, and make my little buddy’s dreams come true. =) Happy Birthday, Ro-boy! We love you like crazy and can’t wait to see what 3 brings for you.
by Roseanna White | Feb 3, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
So, the other day, when my kids were with a grandmother for the first half of it, I achieved some amazing results in the realm of word count. When I’m actively working on a novel, my goal for every day is to write 2,000 words. Now, some days this is like pulling teeth. But on a good day, I far surpass that. When I was writing pivotal scenes in
Jewel of Persia, I was putting down 5,000 words a day and feeling darn good about it. On Monday, I managed just over 6,500 words in my
Annapolis story.
Is this a record for me? No, but it certainly is since I had kids! And it left me feeling great. Like I accomplished something. Like I was ready to tackle the rest of the manuscript and bring it home.
Then Tuesday came along, and I only wrote 2,400 words. Only–did you catch that? That’s still above my daily goal, but it felt disappointing after that amazing 6.5K. And then yesterday, I didn’t even bother doing a word count. There was no point, I only wrote two pages. And I was grumpy and grumbling all afternoon because of it, taking most of that frustration out on the five loads of laundry I so did not want to fold but had to. (Yes, the socks got flung into the basket a little harder than necessary, LOL.) But then after I put the kids to bed, I did manage to get through the scene I was having trouble ending, and into the next, so I’m at a good starting point today. I then jotted down my ideas for the next several scenes, leading up to the climax.
Here’s my point in sharing all this–if the rest of you are anything like me, we like to judge ourselves, and we have little to judge on but comparisons. We tend to think “I didn’t do as well today as yesterday” or “I’ll never be that again.” And maybe, in a way, that’s true.
But what I need to remember is that today is not yesterday. Yesterday was not Monday. None of those are tomorrow. Goals of one day, season, year, whatever, are not necessarily what we need to be shooting for the next day, season, year, whatever. For instance, I only have another 6,000 words to work with before this manuscript is supposed to be finished (though I might overshoot and have to go back and trim. Big surprise for me, right?). So my goal for today shouldn’t be “Write 6K in words.” It should be to write the next scenes as succinctly as possible, leaving myself as many words as I can for the conclusion.
It’s the same with anything else in life. Sometimes our goals have to be revised for the point of our story we’re in right now. Sometimes it’s enough to shoot for quantity. But sometimes it’s not about more, it’s about better-fitting.
This lovely insight brought to you by my inability to think of anything but finishing this book right now, LOL.
by Roseanna White | Jan 27, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
There are days when my prayers are all supplication. When I barely remember to thank the Lord for anything before launching into my litany of things I need His help with. Most days, I try to balance it out, to start and end my prayer time with thankfulness, with worship, and to put into the middle my requests.
On Monday, I had the
Joy of getting so caught up in praising my God that I felt no need to talk to Him about my requests, because I knew that through that communion, my heart had been laid bare. He had heard all the cries of my heart, that gave tenor to the praise of my lips. It’s been a long while since my private prayers were so . . . joyful, and for no reason. I didn’t sit down thinking, “I’m just gonna praise the Lord today.” I sat down with that list of prayer requests in mind. But then I started thanking Him for all He is to me, and, well . . .
I wanted to share some of my reflections that I wrote down, simply because we can never praise Him enough.
~*~
You are faithful . . . just yet merciful. You are awesome beyond compare, yet humble enough to become man. You orchestrate all of history, yet still care to number the hairs on my head. How infinite you are, O Lord my God, in every direction! You fill me to bursting with love for you, with amazement at your glory. You hear every cry of my heart, even if my lips can’t give it utterance. You hear, and you respond in ways I cannot see.
How often we ask to see–yet could our mortal eyes, our finite minds ever contemplate the vastness of your hand? We look for reason in the coporeal, yet never could we truly understand all that lies beneath.
O Lord, my Lord, I worship you and adore you. I adore you for all you are that I cannot comprehend, and I praise you for the glimpses you reveal to me!
And I am humbled to think that though I might give you my all, it is nothing. Nothing compared to what youetdo, what you orchestrate, what you give for me. I am nothing. You you love me enough to be my God and Father. I am a speck. Yet you created this universe and placed me just so within it, with loving care. You hold everything in the palm of your hand, yet you give me the will to choose my own path, my own way.
I want your path, my Lord! I want The Way, Yahweh. I want to walk only beside your footprints, I want to pull only so far as I can go and still be holding tight to your hand. I want to warm myself by the light of your countenance and bathe your feet with my tears. I want to give you all and praise you for leaving me, not with nothing, but with arms open and able to embrace you and your children.
Show me what you have for me, Lord, so that I might blow away the chaff and better serve you. Hew me, chisel me, refine me. Polish me, O God.
Shine through me.
Shine so hotly that the impurities are incinerated.
Shine so brightly that I’m blinded to all but you.
Thank you, Father. Thank you for all, for every. Thank you for knowing, and for doing. Thank you for ministering to this pathetic woman on this cold morning and filling me to overflowing . . .
With you. Always, only with you.
Amen
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.