by Roseanna White | Dec 23, 2010 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
This is the first year that both my kids are old enough to get excited about Christmas, and I gotta say–it’s making for some fun memories.
The first bit of fun was when I took Xoe out shopping. The purpose of the trip was actually to pick up curtains, but she spotted a Pillow Pet that was blue and asked if she could get it for Rowyn for Christmas. She then proceeded to find gifts for her cousins–small, but fun. I love that she’s so in the spirit of giving. My MIL took the kids shopping for my hubby, and then my mom took them shopping for me. Xoe was very determined to choose each gift herself and a bit upset when my MIL selected the one for Papa–so she added some chocolates to it when out with my mom. =)
Last Friday when we stopped at the market, I asked David to take Rowyn down the toy aisle to pick out a gift for him to give Xoe while she went with me. Naturally, Rowyn in the toy aisle is hilarious. He kept going, “Rowyn likes trucks.”
David: “Yes, but we’re shopping for Xoe. What would Xoe like?”
Rowyn: “Rowyn likes trucks.”
“What does Xoe like?”
Thinking . . . “Pink trucks?”
LOL. David laughed and said, “Do you see any pink trucks?”
Rowyn looked around for a minute and pointed at a big, red, remote-control monster truck. David put the nix on that one, and they eventually decided on a paint-it-yourself piggy bank. But we got a lot of laughs from our single-minded boy. (And some people dare to argue that girls and boys aren’t just different?)
This was also the first year Xoe could write a letter to Santa. I told her she could only ask for one thing, so she deliberated very carefully before asking him for a pink ballerina princess costume with flowers on it, and ballerina shoes with ribbons. Complete with drawings. And after inquiring after the reindeer, of course. We took the letter to the post office, where they have a special “express delivery to the North Pole” box. She climbed the little stairs, opened the mailbox, put in her letter, and was oh-so-pleased. Then Rowyn said, “Where’s my letter?” Um . . . yeah, we didn’t help him write one. Given that, you know, he can’t write. But as it turns out, he just wanted to climb the stairs and open the box. He didn’t really care about having a letter to put inside. =) And then all evening he kept saying, “Where’s Xoe’s letter? In an airplane? Is it on Santa’s sleigh now?” Very cute.
For our Christmas Eve service, we’re going to be presenting gifts to the Christ child–our gifts being written on paper and delivered. The kids will have wrapped boxes to take him, and our little girls decided they MUST be angels. Xoe was very adamant about this, but also insisted Rowyn had to be something different. His choice? A turtle. There’s nothing saying there were turtles in the stable, but hey. Why not? LOL.
I hope everyone else is having as fun a year as we are!
by Roseanna White | Dec 16, 2010 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I’ve been having a bit of difficulty getting into my latest work-in-progress. Probably because it’s been nine months since I wrote the first three chapters, and rather than day-dreaming about this one during those months, I was hard at work on Jewel of Persia. But this story is semi-under deadline, so I have to get working on it. Usually pressure gets my creative juices flowing, so I’m cool with that.
Except . . . well, it wasn’t working that way. Every single page, every single chapter has felt like a struggle since I picked it up again, and I had no idea what I was going to do about it. I kept thinking, “If I could just get to this part over here, but how do I do that?”
Yesterday my hubby had to travel to Baltimore for the day, and my mom took the kids Christmas shopping in the morning. Knowing I was going to have a solid block of writing time, I got all set up at my desk, put my butt in the chair, and stopped. Pulled out my Bible, opened to Proverbs 16.
1 The preparations of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
But the LORD weighs the spirits.
3 Commit your works to the LORD,
And your thoughts will be established. . . .
and of course the ever famous verse 9 . . .
9 A man’s heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.
Had I dedicated this book to God? I know I’d prayed for the writing of it, that the words come. But somehow that didn’t feel like enough yesterday. So yet again, I stopped. And I prayed that if I should write this book, that I write it the way the Lord wanted. That if this is to be the next step in my career, it be His step. That He would remove from me any motives not His own, and more specifically any ideas for the story that would not glorify Him.
Then I opened my eyes, and I wrote. I wrote 3,000 yesterday, which is by no means a record for me–but it’s been MONTHS since I’ve written that much in a day. And oh, it felt so good. Not just because it was an accomplishment, but because I finally felt as though I were writing the right book . . . for the right reasons. And yet, my story ideas haven’t really changed. The book didn’t suddenly take an unexpected turn.
But I think maybe I did. I think maybe I turned that corner and stopped thinking, “I have to write this book to show it to the editor,” and started thinking, “This story has potential and deserves to be told.”
I asked the Lord to show me and help me pull out some of His Truths through the telling of this story, and now I have this peace inside promising that I will. What will they be? Well, I don’t know yet. But I do know that I don’t ever want to write a book without them.
If this book ends up being the one that gets a contract with that major publisher it’s aimed at, then wonderful. But if it doesn’t . . . well I finally stopped thinking I’d be wasting my time on it if it doesn’t. Now I’m eager to see what God has to teach me, and just maybe others, through its telling.
by Roseanna White | Dec 9, 2010 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
Do you believe in Santa?
I still do. Well, I mean, I don’t expect a mountain of presents under my tree from a jolly old elf. But I still believe in the idea of
Santa Claus, in the ideal of
Santa Claus. I still believe in that magical something that surrounds this most blessed season and finds a symbol in that red-clad, generous man.
But when it came to what to tell my kids about Santa, I hemmed and hawed for years. Part of it was pure selfishness on my part–I put a lot of effort into gift-selection, and I didn’t want to share the credit with an anonymous stranger! But more than that, my kids already have SO MUCH STUFF. I really didn’t want to introduce a free ticket for more. Christmas morning at our house finds the kids with enough, but not a ton of present. Usually 5-7 each, plus stocking. We keep it small deliberately, because once the grandparents add their gifts to the day . . . yeah, not so small anymore.
And in years past, the kids never really noticed whether something was from us or Santa. But this year–boy howdy. Xoe has been asking me since summertime why Santa doesn’t come to our house (and she was a little upset about it). She asked, “Is Santa real?”
Argh. I understand the whole “I don’t want to lie to my kids” dilemma about Santa. But . . . I love Santa stories. So I replied, “What do you think?” Xoe: “He’s real! So why doesn’t he bring me presents?” In my oh-so-quick-thinking, I informed her that I told Santa not to bring anything until she could ask for something in particular, because there were so many less fortunate kids out there who needed him to brighten their day.
Naturally, this year she wanted to write a letter to Santa. But I still didn’t want this to be a ticket to unnecessary free stuff, so I told her she could only ask him for one thing. Just one, so to consider carefully. And then I told her we were going to help Santa out by buying a toy for a toy drive. Then I bought a book that explains who Saint Nicholas actually is, and why he’s a part of Christmas.
Xoe considered very carefully, for weeks, and wavered back and forth about what she wanted to ask him for. She eventually decided on a princess ballerina costume, with shoes that have ribbons. And a tiara, of course. She wrote him a very sweet, polite letter (complete with asking after the reindeer, LOL), and drew him a picture on the back so he’d know exactly what this costume should look like.
Is my balance Right? Is my decision on how to handle things Good? How’s a parent ever to know? But when I updated my hubby on the conversations Xoe and I had had on the subject, he looked genuinely impressed. And when we took Xoe’s letter to be mailed, there was such light in her eyes that I knew it wasn’t just about the costume for her. It was about believing.
And I think maybe I haven’t handled this so terribly after all. My little girl made a conscious decision to believe–and it means more to her because of that.
by Roseanna White | Dec 2, 2010 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
When Xoe was a year old, her grandfather came in for Christmas (he lives in South Caroline) and brought his new girlfriend–a super-sweet woman who was very excited to meet Bill’s granddaughter. They came armed with gifts. Lots of them.
The prettiest? A gorgeous little white box with rhinestone accents and silver flourishes, with a mirror on the top–perfect for a little girl to store her treasures as she grows up. I knew the moment I glimpsed it that Xoe would come to love this box. But for some reason, Glenda handed it over with a funny expression.
“I’m so sorry,” she said as we unwrapped it. “The name’s misspelled.”
I glanced at the top of the box, where the mirror was engraved with . . . Zox?
Glenda shook her head. “It was an elderly woman working, and she just couldn’t wrap her mind around the name. We said ‘It’s Zoe, but with an X.’ So we left while she engraved and came back to this. We didn’t have the heart to yell at her about it, but we’ll get it fixed.'”
Well, as things often happen when folks live states upon states away, we never got it fixed. Instead, we shared a laugh with them then (Zoe with an X . . . yeah, I totally think “Zox” when I hear that, don’t you? Snicker, snicker), and I put the box on the vanity beside one of mine.
For a long while, Xoe obviously didn’t realize there was anything wrong with the box. We put in it the money she got for holidays, her special necklaces and barrettes and bracelets, the beads from a very pretty bracelet that broke. Treasures.
Then one day, after Xoe had learned to spell her name, she was looking at the box and asked, “Mommy, what does this spell?”
So I told her the story of “Zoe with an X” and how now she has a Zox Box.
As lovers of all things Seuss, this became special and cute and quirky in our family. Now whenever Xoe comes across a dollar, she rushes to put it in her Zox Box. When she gets a special new necklace, she lifts that mirrored lid and slides it inside. She makes up songs about it.
The life lesson is probably obvious, right? So often things don’t work out the way we want them too, things get “ruined.” But who’s to say “ruined” isn’t right? Would a Xoe Box have been special? Well, sure. But anyone can get a box with their name on it. How many little girls have a Zox Box?
Mine does. And I love that she cherishes it. Makes me want to be careful to cherish those “ruined” things just as I do the things that turn out “right.”
by Roseanna White | Nov 18, 2010 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I’ve noticed a trend lately. In action shows/movies, whenever bad guys are chasing the good guys through a public location, they always (and I mean always–I’ve counted at least three of these scenes in stuff I’ve watched the last two weeks) duck through some shiny, huge industrial kitchen. And more often than not, bullets follow.
Have you ever noticed that? Bullets turning heads of lettuce into cole slaw . . . ricocheting off polished carts of stainless steel . . . kitchen staff jumping out of the way and tossing bowls of who-knows-what . . .
What is up with that? I mean, I’m now laughing about it because I’ve noticed it in everything, but really. What’s the allure for the script writers, the choreographers? Does it make for exceptionally good blocking? Do the reflections off all that shining metal help with something? What??
So that’s my silly observation for the week. Pay attention, I bet you’ll start noticing kitchen-chase/shooting-scenes all over the place.
Anything you’ve noticed over and over in movies or TV?
by Roseanna White | Nov 11, 2010 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
Every now and then, I get tired. I get overwhelmed. I get bogged down with particulars, with comparisons, with frustrations. And that’s when the beast rears its ugly head.
Insecurity.
We all know it, right? It’s that voice that whispers in the back of our minds, “You’re never going to be able to pull this off. You’re doing a terrible job. So-and-so is so much better than you at this.” Which moves naturally into other whispered thoughts. “Why do you bother? Nothing ever works out like you want it to anyway. Just put it aside and take a break.”
I expect anyone who’s human goes through this from time to time. And if you’re like me, you can recognize it, but by then you’re already in its claws. Those voices tend to be sneaky, and they work fast. It only takes a few seconds for them to toss you into a downward spiral.
Those of us who are Christians know that when those moments strike, we need to pray, to give it to the Lord. I’ve tried quite a few versions of this. For years, I would pray, “Lord, send me some encouragement.” And he always, always did.
But lately I’ve turned to a different prayer. Lately I’ve stopped thinking that this is just a phase or a rut that He needs to pull me out of and have begun to see it’s one the enemy tries to push me into–and that I don’t have to go, certainly not without a fight. And if we fight in the name of Jesus, victory is guaranteed.
Several times over the past months, I’d done what I called with my friend, “Gave myself a time out and let God give me a talking to.” This is to combat the attitude resulting from that awful little voice of insecurity. And it works. Those feelings are never from God, so when I refuse to indulge them AND fill my mind instead with His word, with His truth . . . wow. It’s really amazing how things turn around.
Yesterday I had a headache, a mile-high to-do list, and I started hearing that nasty little whisper of, “You can’t pull this off, you know. It’s going to flop. And your WIP is just terrible, you’ll never get past chapter four.”
It only took me a second to realize this wasn’t something I had to indulge, that it wasn’t something I had to let be real. I squeezed my eyes shut then and there and prayed. I gave it all to Him, I soaked up His love, and I got back to work. (Okay, I also took a little nap to help the headache. Then got up feeling muuuuuuch better, so got back up to work.)
Fleeting thoughts need not rule us. Whispers need not find their voices in our mouths.
Because we serve the Word. We serve the Victor.
Whether we’re battling insecurity, fear, jealousy, or something more physical like exhaustion, illness, cancer, the battle has already been waged and won.
It doesn’t always feel like it–but it doesn’t have to. I have to remind myself sometimes that it isn’t about feeling. Feelings are emotions, which by definition involved motion–moving. But He never moves. He never changes. If we rest in Him, we don’t have to either. We can just be . . . at peace.
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.