by Roseanna White | Mar 24, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I’ve been reading through the Psalms lately, which is my go-to place in the Bible when I’ve finished up another book and am not sure where I want to head next. I know they’re a go-to for many other people too, and the one I read today hammered home why.
David (and the other psalmists too, I’m sure, though I’ve been in his lately) is so real in the psalms. You can feel his heartache. You can hear the tremor of pain in his voice. You can smell the incense he sends wafting up in prayer. But more, you can taste the hope on his tongue.
Here’s a bit from Psalm 41, which I just read. (starting at verse 9)
Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted,
Who ate my bread,
Has lifted up his heel against me.
But You, O Lord, be merciful to me, and raise me up,
That I may repay them.
By this I know that You are well pleased with me,
Because my enemy does not triumph over me.
As for me, You uphold me in my integrity,
And set me before Your face forever.
Blessed be the Lord God of Israel
From everlasting to everlasting!
Amen and Amen.
This is but one of many examples of what appeals to me about these songs. David had real, honest-to-goodness problems he’s dealing with here. A best friend that has turned against him. People trying to sully his name. In the verses above these, he says how his enemies want him to die and his name be blotted out forever–which gave me a big “Ha!” since he’s one of the most well-known men of all times!
David isn’t afraid to let loose those negative feelings, to cry out to God with the hurt and pain he feels. He utters words that could be considered whining, complaining, and bellyaching. I mean, yeah, sure, people were actually trying to kill him, LOL, but just looking at the words above–who hasn’t been in a position where a friend has turned against him? Who hasn’t felt as though his heart has been totally crushed by it?
It’s okay to share those feelings with God. He knows, He’s been there, and He cares. Go ahead, pour out all your aching complaints to Him! He won’t call you a whiner. 😉
But what I love about this psalmist is that he always, always, always goes back to the hope that’s to be found in the Lord. Always. He knew that no matter how bleak things seemed, God had his back. God blazed the path before him. God protected his flank. Sometimes the battle probably looked pretty dire, with the enemy closing in, but David knew that victory didn’t lie in telling his adversaries off–it lay in embracing the Lord.
He upholds our integrity. He sets us before His face. Who cares what the backstabbers are doing when the glory of the Lord’s before us?
I’m an eternal optimist, forever hopeful that good will come from bad. This is why I kept writing, writing, writing even when I kept getting rejection after rejection. I have twenty finished manuscripts in my computer. Twenty. Trust me, I came across some nay-sayers over the years. I heard from people who said it should only take so many years, or so many finished books . . . I even heard that the industry was in lockdown, and I simply wouldn’t sell, not because I wasn’t good enough, but because it just wasn’t going to happen.
But I hope in the Lord, trusting in him. And now I have a new contract that should be arriving any day, as well as a small company of our own that’s suddenly growing in amazing ways. Have I “made it”? Um . . . do you ever? LOL. But it’s reassurance that I am indeed on the right path. Right where He wants me to be.
God is good. He has set me before His face. Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting! Amen and amen.
by Roseanna White | Mar 17, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
It’s been an awesome week and a half. I can’t share everything that has made it so (yet), but really, it started last week when I got to tell Dina Sleiman that WhiteFire will be publishing her medieval novel, Dance of the Dandelion. We’ve had a blast diving into plans for that, including getting the cover design ready to roll. My awesome friend Karlene has volunteered to be our costume designer, and I just know this is going to be awesome.
And since WhiteFire will be in the 2012 edition of the Christian Writer’s Market Guide, I dedicated much of last week to preparing our information and catalog for that too. Of course, that required the covers of the above-mentioned Dandelion and Christine Lindsay’s Shadowed in Silk, neither of which are finalized yet. So I also had a blast playing with some unofficial cover designs. =)
(Special thanks to Michael of ArmStreet and Vitaliy Mirgorodskiy for giving me permission to use the photo of their model and costume for this temporary design of Dina’s book!)
We’re also pleased to welcome Dina onto the staff of WhiteFire as an acquisitions editor–which makes me the Senior Acquisitions Editor (how heady is THAT? LOL). Dina was one of the first to get excited about the vision of our company, so we’re really excited about the energy and insight she brings. And also excited to announce that she’ll be representing us at the Blue Ridge conference this May! Then I’ll be at the Oregon Christian Writers conference this August.
Tuesday night I also got the heads-up that official cover design of Shadowed in Silk is underway, and I know Tekeme Studios will be coming up with something astounding. Can’t wait to see it.
And I’m going to shut up now.
by Roseanna White | Mar 10, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
As many of you know, about four weeks ago I pressed “send” on a manuscript submission. Exhaling a major sigh of relief, I then focused on my son’s birthday. Went to church the next day. Got sick that evening. For the next three weeks, I battled infection and flu and who knows what else, throat blazing with pain and nose a veritable facet. Fun stuff.
But you know, it kept my mind off things, LOL.
This week I’ve felt so great that I’m daily praising the Lord for renewed health. Sure, the nose still has a little gunk, but I can breathe through it. I can taste and smell again. My stomach isn’t revolting, I have no fever. My eyes are back to full strength after the bizarre swelling, so I can read. I can edit.
I can check my email every five minutes to see if there’s anything from a certain editor yet . . . 😉
See, this is going to be a relatively quick turnaround one way or another. I’ll have a yes or no pretty soon. I think. (Unless, my imagination points out, I just never hear and they let me assume a no . . . aaaaggghhhh!) Which means that every single day, I’m praying and praying and praying, giving God not only my fears but my hopes. Turning the whole thing over to him, to his will, his dreams for me, because my little brain is stuck between “It’s finally going to happen” and “It’s never going to happen.”
I’m an optimist–this is no secret, LOL. But there’s still that niggling Doubt Monster who whispers, “Every time you hope about something like this, you’re disappointed. Your hope jinxes you.” Stupid Doubt Monster! But what are my choices? To not hope? I can’t do that. It’s not in my nature. So instead, I hope, but give it to God. I trust him with it.
Last Friday I had a great moment. I was sitting at my desk, glanced over at my email, and thought, “If an email came in from the editor right now, I would be terrified to open it. Terrified. Lord, I’m so stinking afraid about all of this!”
My Bible lay open on the corner of my desk, still at the Psalms where I’d left off the day before. I pulled it over and glanced down at the next chapter. Here’s what it said:
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid? . . .
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I see:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
I had a real “Wow” moment from that. Literally two seconds after whispering the words, “I’m afraid,” God directed my gaze toward those verses. And reminded me that my goal in life is not a contract with a major publisher. It’s dwelling in the house of the Lord. It’s beholding his beauty. It’s being his, doing his will.
God is so cool. =) Sure, waiting still stinks. But I’m waiting with the Lord. I’m doing his work while I do so.
In other awesome news (which is some of that work I’ve been doing), our publishing company,
WhiteFire Publishing, is tickled to welcome
Dina Sleiman to the family. Her medieval love story,
Dance of the Dandelion, will make its debut this summer, right on the heels of
Christine Lindsay’s romance during the British Raj in India,
Shadowed in Silk. I’m so excited to be working with these awesome ladies! =) (And not just because it keeps me busy while waiting to hear from another editor myself, LOL.)
Thanks to all who prayed for me while I was sick. You guys are the best!
by Roseanna White | Feb 24, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
In the course of writing my Annapolis story, I read through a lot of Poor Richard’s Almanack, filled with fun proverbs by Ben Franklin. I had a secondary character who quoted him constantly, and it was a ton of fun to try to weave in my favorites of his adages through the story.
One that I liked best, and which it was tricky to find a place for, was “Clean your finger, before you point at my spots.” Love that–such a clever way of saying the “clear the plank from you own eye before you point out the speck in mine” sort of thing.
Not long after I found a way to fit it in, my prayer time brought another scripture to mind that dealt with something similiar–you know the one, it says something about how God doesn’t want our sacrifices so long as we bear a grudge against our brother. To go first and settle things with him, then come back to Him.
These two things really got me thinking. How often do we ask God for something, while we’re holding a grudge against a brother or sister? How often do we not understand why something isn’t working out, yet we refuse to see our own blame? Assuming I’m not alone in the world, the answer is A LOT.
Am I jealous over others’ successes, when I ought to be rejoicing with them? If so, why should God give success to me? Am I bitter over a slight or false accusation some made against me or mine? Then why should God iron out the situation? Am I determined to find the flaws in my spouse so that I can better “understand” how I’ve been injured over the years? Then why should God strengthen my marriage?
Something I realize anew a couple times a year is that I can’t change anyone else–but I can, with God, change ME. I can’t snap my fingers and have success. But I can pray and rejoice with my friends when they do, and be a good steward of what I’m given. I can’t make people treat me fairly. But I can love them when they don’t, and work to keep relationships solid so that if a break does come, it’s not through fault and blame. I can’t make my husband do every little thing I want him to do, and if I look for things to complain about, no doubt I’d find some. But instead I can love him and ask the Lord to change me and my outlook on things. Stop resenting my honey for not getting up early with the kids, for example, and instead ask the Lord to give me the energy to do so and recognize the why of this stuff–that unlike me, my hubby doesn’t often sleep well at night.
Get what I’m saying? It’s easy to blame others. Very easy. But that’s not what God wants us to do. He instead wants us to be aware of our own flaws so that we can seek His strength in our weakness. He wants us to cleanse ourselves until we’re blameless–that way, if He does ask us to address the blemishes of others, we do it out of love, not with a filthy finger that will just make things worse when we go poking them in the chest in accusation.
This is perhaps one of the hardest things God regularly asks of me, but I can’t deny its importance. Letting Him work on me is an ongoing task . . . but one that has helped me see it’s not about what is going on in my life, but about how I react to it. It’s not about the spots of others–it’s about how clean I am.
by Roseanna White | Feb 17, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
So, we’re sick. The kids and I came down with a rather nasty cold/flu thing on Saturday p.m., and we’re still wiped from it. Xoe has barely budged from the couch for the last five days, and both the wee ones are coughing to beat the band.
Naturally, things take a different turn in me. Rather than it going into the deep cough they’ve got going on, mine moves into nasal congestion and a killer sore throat. Then–then–the eyes.
Rowyn had this on Monday evening. Eyes got all puffy and goopy, enough that I thought, “If they’re still like this in the morning, I’m taking him to the doctor.” But by morning, the eyes were better. And Rowyn’s mostly better now in general, back to playing and singing and whatnot. Yesterday about noon, though, the eye-thing hit me. Can I just say that this isn’t fun? I can’t focus on much because they keep weeping, plus it just hurts.
To make matters worse, I’m supposed to be baking a “Max & Ruby” cake for the kids’ birthday party on Saturday, and I couldn’t exactly drive to the store yesterday to get the stuff I need. I woke up stressed near to tears. Then, within minutes of whining to all my online buddies about it, asking for prayers, I could feel the swelling start to go down (weird feeling, that). So I think it’ll resolve itself in the next few hours. Phew, and praise the Lord!
All that said, I gotta also say this–though there’s never a fun time to be sick, this is actually the best possible time for this to have struck. I shudder to think what I would have done had it hit a week or two earlier, when I was trying to finish up a manuscript an editor requested. Yikes!
So while the kids might not get the extravagant cake my mind’s eye had wanted to fiddle with, I imagine I’ll come up with something. And though I’m not feeling great, I no longer have the urge to break into tears over it. And through it all, I’m determined to stay focused on how great God is for holding this off until now!
by Roseanna White | Feb 10, 2011 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I’ve got a lot to do today to meet my self-appointed deadline and get a manuscript ready to submit to a requesting editor by tomorrow. A task which would have been easy, had my critique partners not all agreed the ending needed work. I knew it needed work–but it turned into more than expected.
And, yes, for a minute yesterday I thumped my head against my desk and whined, “This book stinks and I’m a lousy writer to have made it stink. God, help me out here!!” And then I shook it off, finished the edits I was already doing, and let the right-on advice from my critters simmer.
Why I was doing this flitted through my mind throughout the afternoon. There may have been a few moments of pride when the me from a few years ago reared its ugly head and said, “What do they know? Do it your way.” But I told that voice to shut up, because I knew better. And because God has given me a beautiful opportunity here, and it’s my responsibility not to squander it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being worthy of the calling He’s given me, of being a good steward of what He’s blessed me with. That means doing my best to make this manuscript not just passable, but good. Why? Because this is my chance to get it published. This, right here. Time is an issue, yes, but it’s not one of those things where I expect an editor might say, “Well, I don’t want it now, but maybe in a few months . . .” It’s going to be yes or no. And I have to do my part to ensure that “yes.” Still doesn’t guarantee it, because much of the decision is out of my hands. But my book, my story–that’s mine, in my hands. And I’m putting it into God’s, trusting Him to show me, often through the amazing friends and critique partners He’s given me, how to make it not only better, but the best it can be.
I’m hoping and praying I get 95% of the remaining work on it done today. Because, you see, tomorrow is Rowyn’s birthday. Can we believe this kid is turning 3?? How did THAT happen? LOL. But oh my, what a fun year’s it’s been with him. He’s grown into a little boy who makes me laugh regularly, who cuddles a lot, “vroom”s a lot, and, yes, hits his sister a lot too, LOL. I find it hilarious that though he plays with girls 99% of the time–which means tea sets and baby dolls and aprons, yes–he’s such a boy while he does it. On Tuesday he had a blue apron on and was walking around with such a cowboy-saunter that he made it look like a pair of chaps with a gun holstered to his waist. He takes care of the baby dolls . . . which means putting them in a stroller and hurtling them through the house like there’s a rocket strapped to their backsides.
For his birthday, Rowyn requested one thing–a blue cake (everything MUST be blue with him, LOL). So today Mama has to go get a cake mix, toss in some food coloring, and make my little buddy’s dreams come true. =) Happy Birthday, Ro-boy! We love you like crazy and can’t wait to see what 3 brings for you.
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary. 
