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Word of the Week – Shrapnel

by Roseanna White | Oct 8, 2018 | Word of the Week

Writing war books as I for some bizarre reason seem to do quite a bit (built in conflict?), I occasionally find myself looking up terms that have to do with weapons, fighting, etc. And sometimes–like this time–I’m quite surprised by what I find!

Apparently, I’ve been using shrapnel incorrectly. I’m pretty sure I’ve used it in a story before, and if I have, then it’s been wrong. Because it wasn’t until WW2 that shrapnel came to mean “shell fragments, any fragmented pieces that become airborne.”

Lt. Henry Shrapnel

So what was it before? A specific type of ammunition, actually, invented in 1784 by British military man Lt. Henry Shrapnel. His creation was actually a sort of cannonball that was filled with shot, meant to explode in the air and rain the shot down on the enemy. Though he dubbed it “spherical ammunition,” it was soon given his name instead.

So though the word was in use for a loooooong time, it didn’t take on the sense of “fragments,” often produced because of an explosion, until 150 years after its invention.

Thoughtful About . . . The Purpose of Shame

by Roseanna White | Oct 4, 2018 | Thoughtful Thursdays

I’m by no means the first person to tackle this subject, and no doubt others have done it better than me. But last week when I wrote about “Actions, Reactions, and Being Better,” I had an anonymous comment accusing me of “woman shaming/blaming.” Another of those phrases that has been tossed around and turned into a fad, but which I think is often misunderstood.

But you know what? Part of the goal to #BeBetter is to know what shame is and why sometimes we need it.

First, let’s cover where shame is bad and where you will NOT find me doing me.

Here’s the definition of shame (the noun) according to Merriam-Webster, the writer’s go-to dictionary:

1: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety

b

: the susceptibility to such emotion //

have you no shame?

2

: a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute : ignominy

// the shame of being arrested

3a

: something that brings censure or reproach

also

: something to be regretted : pity //

it’s a shame you can’t go

b

: a cause of feeling shame

And then the verb definitions:

1

: to bring shame to : disgrace

// shamed the family name

2

: to put to shame by outdoing

3

: to cause to feel shame

4

: to force by causing to feel guilty //

shamed into confessing

When people today accuse others of “woman shaming” (or variations of it that include derogatory nouns in place of “woman”), they’re implying that one person is forcing undeserved shame upon another.

Yeah, not cool. We see examples of this, even in the church, when a victim is made to feel guilty or responsible for an assault or crime while the assailant sails by free. As someone in favor of Truth and Justice (with capitol Ts and Js), dat ain’t cool, y’all. This often happens when the accused is in a position of power or authority and others under their authority who have not ever been their target can’t fathom that such a good person would ever do something so heinous, therefore the accuser/victim must be lying.

I daresay most of the time, this is completely unfair, unjust, and results in terribly misplaced and undeserved shame. The victim, who has already suffered, now suffers more.

To combat this sad trend, we’ve begun to see the mantra of “Always believe the woman” when it comes to rape/abuse/harassment charges. I understand where that’s coming from. And in general, most of the time, it’s probably a wise stance. If it’s where we start. Begin with the notion of “there’s something to this” and then investigate. But let’s also keep in mind that in America, everyone is supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, and that includes those who actually are criminals, not just those falsely accused. We have to be willing to extend this assumption to all or we will not be recipients of it ourselves when we need it most. So “always believe the woman” can’t be the final word, just the starting place. And those who dig into an accusation are not doing anything wrong. They’re simply pursuing the truth.

Because statistically speaking, sometimes the “victim” has lied. Sometimes it’s an agenda or hatred or bitterness or you-name-it against the accused that leads them to lob the accusations.

But honestly, that’s not really what I want to talk about today. What I want to talk about is when we actually NEED shame. Look back at that very first definition:

a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt

Of guilt. Guilt, generally speaking, is when we feel bad for something we have done wrong. Guilt, true guilt, not any misplaced kind, is what happens when our consciences tell us we’ve slipped. We feel bad. And we’re supposed to feel bad. Guilt is the private, inner feeling. Shame is more the public face of it. I might feel guilty if I forget to read my Bible one morning, but there isn’t any public shame involved in. Conversely, if I’ve committed a crime I really don’t feel bad about but then have to face legal consequences, there’s public shame involved as I face the rest of the world. They don’t always go hand in hand, but often they do.

So, since this whole thing started with me asking myself, “am I woman shaming/blaming?” let’s look at that subject, which generally relates to sexual issues. Most of the times I’ve heard this phrase lately has to do with accusations of sexual harassment or rape, those cases in which “always believe the woman” has been enacted. I’ve been thinking about this all week, and here’s where I’ve landed.

First, men need to bear their own responsibility, guilt, and shame for their actions. Period. For too long our society has applauded and idolized the “lady’s man.” Anyone see the James Bond marathons running constantly lately? One reason I’ve always hated the franchise is how ridiculous the women are often portrayed. If I hear “Oh, James!” one more time… But while the feminist-minded modern woman will say that this sort of thing is offensive, let’s look at some of the best-selling stories aimed at women, shall we? 50 Shades, anyone?

What message are we really broadcasting here? Out of one side of our mouth we’re saying, “I’m your equal, respect me,” and out of the other we’re fantasizing about being dominated by super-hot, powerful men who know what we want even when we “don’t.”

So yes, men bear their own blame, shame, guilt, and responsibility (or should). But here is a truth we all need to understand.

No one else can be counted on to love you or respect you as much as YOU do.

So are you loving and respecting yourself? What does that even look like?

Well for starters, it looks like teaching our daughters not just that they have choices–about when, where, with whom, conception, pregnancy, abortion, adoption, family planning, career paths, whatever–it means teaching them that they have WORTH. I’m not talking about the L’oreal, you-deserve-to-look-beautiful type of worth. I’m talking real worth.

You, my daughter, are so valuable. You are precious and lovable and someone to be cherished. So do you know what I have spent your life doing and will continue to do? I’ll protect you. Because that’s what we do when something is valuable, when something has great worth. WE PROTECT IT.

So how do we, as women, protect ourselves? It’s not just about knowing how to knee in the groin and disarm an attacker (though that doesn’t hurt to know too). We protect ourselves first and foremost by valuing ourselves and letting it be KNOWN that we value ourselves. Kind of like those little signs you put up if you have a great alarm system, right? You warn would-be burglars right away, “Hey, this isn’t an easy target.”

Well, guess what? We need to send the same message to would-be sexual predators. This isn’t fail-proof, just like an alarm system isn’t. It might not keep the real violent offenders away. But it certainly tells the random drunken party-goer that you’re not an easy mark.

Which brings me to point number two. When we protect something, we’re careful where we take it. I don’t know about you, but I’m not wearing my most valuable necklace in the Eiffel Tower where the pickpockets lurk. Just so, I’m not taking myself to the types of parties where these sorts of abuses are common.

Does wearing a low-cut shirt justify a guy for taking advantage? NO. Of course not. His sin rests on him. But we also can’t control him. We can only control ourselves. So let’s control ourselves.

Instead, we’ve created a society that says all shame is bad because there’s no reason to ever feel guilty for sexual behavior unless it violates someone else’s choice.

I don’t believe that. We can’t first strip a thing of all rules and then be amazed when it’s abused. We instead need to recognize the true value. In ourselves, and in the bonds between us. We also need to recognize that there is a place for guilt. And, when we don’t honor and respect ourselves, when we violate the sacred, shame isn’t misplaced.

So, fine. Accuse me of shaming. Sometimes I am. Because sometimes we deserve to feel shame. Sometimes we NEED to feel shame, to remind us that there is a right and a wrong.

But here’s the thing. Condemning a practice doesn’t mean judging an individual. I can say prostitution is bad without throwing stones at the fourteen-year-old girl who has been forced into it. I can say it BECAUSE of her. Because of the harm done to the women, children, and even men who find themselves in it, very few by happy circumstances.

Same goes with the milder forms of sexual sin, which I do not hesitate to call sin. I can say it’s wrong BECAUSE I’ve seen how it hurts people. How it damages relationships, how it hurts our hearts, how it destroys families. We’ve told ourselves for decades that it doesn’t hurt anyone.

But it does. It hurts us. It creates a chasm between us and God. It whittles away at the idea of what true love really is. Because it becomes too entwined with the physical. And ultimately, that even comes between us and our significant other.

How do we change the world? We start by respecting ourselves. Valuing ourselves. Teaching our children to do the same. And when we fail in that, the true purpose of guilt and shame is to remind us that we CAN and SHOULD #BeBetter.

Word of the Week – Auditorium

by Roseanna White | Oct 1, 2018 | Word of the Week

This is one of the words I’d just never paused to think about. Auditorium. It was always just the place we went to in school when the whole school needed to meet.

But last week my husband went, “Oh! I’d never looked at auditorium this way before. As in, auditory. Plus um. Latin.”

To which I went, “Ooooh! Of course. Auditory. Like, a place you go to hear things.”

That is, in fact, the exact definition, directly from the Latin word for “lecture-hall.”

It’s interesting to note, however, that auditorium only dates to 1727. Before that (from the 1300s), the room/building was, in fact, called an auditory! That ranks as something I didn’t know. How about you?

Thoughtful About . . . Actions, Reactions, and Being Better

by Roseanna White | Sep 27, 2018 | Thoughtful Thursdays

One of the reasons I love writing historicals is to show that the heart of humanity has never changed. No matter whether you’re talking about ancient Egyptians or modern Americans or anything in between, there are a few things that we will always seek–our dreams, our goals, our pleasures, family, love, escape from the things we fear.

But we think we’ve changed. Evolved. Graduated out of certain things. I wonder though. I wonder if we have.

This has been quite a year so far, hasn’t it? Gun violence, sexual impropriety, you name it. We’ve had the #metoo movement, new scandal in the Catholic church, and the Christian publishing industry is rumbling with harassment charges and other improprieties brought to the fore as well.

And my heart hurts. Not just for the women who have suffered (though of course, I ache for them). Not just for the men who may have been accused unjustly but will not be given an “innocent until proven guilty” look from anyone again. Not just for the victims and families ripped apart by violence. Not even just for the church that keeps taking a pounding.

I ache for humanity, who has still not learned that it’s not enough to react.

I’ve been chewing on these thoughts for weeks, months, and I’m still not sure I can adequately put them into words, but I want to try. I want to try so that you can add your words and thoughts, and others can add theirs, and maybe at some point, someone will hit upon something that will actually allow for change.

At any rate, here is what I keep coming back to:

Reacting isn’t enough.

Treating the symptoms isn’t enough.

As long as this is all we do, we’re going to keep on doing it forever, because nothing is ever going to change.

It isn’t enough to tell men, “You hurt me.” It isn’t enough for others to say, “Now you’ll be punished.” We have to first teach people what is sacred, to have respect. We have to change the heart–not just the actions. Both are required to achieve real change in society–teaching first, enforcement second.

The idea of “sexual freedom” has led us so quickly to this, and I will never believe anyone who tells me otherwise. A generation of women has systematically broadcast the message that sex isn’t something sacred, their bodies aren’t something to be respected, and since it’s just fun, why not indulge whenever you want? On their terms, of course. Only ever on their terms.

But when something is offered more or less freely–free of consequences, free of entanglements, free of stigma, free of judgment–it’s only one short step down to thinking it’s something you don’t even have to ask for, right?

And from a society that thinks sex is something to be enjoyed whenever they please, it’s only one short step down from thinking it’s something they have a right to take whenever they please. And from there, one more step down to thinking they should take it whenever they please, from whomever they please. Should they, do they? No. But that’s the message the people of this age have received.

Why?

Because that’s what they’ve been taught. We’ve gone from tolerating to accepting to applauding sexual promiscuity in both men and women. We fantasize about it and champion it. And then we’re outraged when it’s abused and misused.

Yes, the abuse and misuse is terrible. I hate it. But just reacting with outrage will NEVER change it.

Let’s turn for a second to the church. You know what was in the headlines the week before 9/11? Sexual scandal in the Catholic church. And that certainly wasn’t the first time it hit the news. This has obviously been around for a long, loooooong time. Why? Because instead of being dealt with, the accused priests are just moved somewhere else, and the hierarchy accuses the media of sensationalizing and attacking. There are people who have admitted they became priests SO THAT they could prey on people with no consequences, knowing if they were caught and accused, they’d simply be moved elsewhere. I’m sure those cases are few. But the fact that they exist at all points to a major flaw in the system that the church doesn’t seem inclined to correct.

So how do we fix it? That’s the question, right? How to teach people to respect each other? How do we teach people that some things are sacred? How to make them actually change?

This seemed like a really hard question to answer until I read Love Does and Everybody Always by Bob Goff. He presented an answer to this very question that is both ridiculously simple and ridiculously hard. LOVE THEM.

At the end of his second book, Mr. Goff talks about witchdoctors in Uganda. These are people who have been hated and feared since the dawn of time. So feared that even the justice system never dared to arrest and accuse and try them. Until finally they did, and justice finally began to move.

But that wasn’t enough. Because it only reacted to the problem. It treated the symptoms. It didn’t cure the disease. So they started educating the witchdoctors. They started loving them. They started telling them that God loved them too. And you know what? Now the people who were once sacrificing children, are saving them.

This is the power of love. This is how real change is made. We teach people to respect life, to respect each other, to love each other. We show them the better way–and we punish those who abuse it. Quickly and effectively. We demand of each other that we Be. Better.

I joked to my best friend that instead of just #MeToo, we needed the hashtag #StopBeingASchmuck or maybe #BeBetter. The first was just me being silly, but the second has some truth in it. It isn’t easy to be better. But if it’s something we desire, it’s achievable. First, though, we have to inspire that desire.

Let’s love each other. Let’s love the monsters as well as the victims because it’s those who deserve it least who end up valuing it most. Those forgiven much will love much. Let’s teach each other that love comes first, and that where there is love, there is respect. There is sanctity. And where there is love, respect, and sanctity, there is the Good.

We can’t just keep reacting. We have to #BeBetter.

Wondering if I’ve ever dealt with issues of sexual abuse or misuse of power in my books? Here are a few of my stories that have heroines who have been forced into such situations and experience the healing power of a God who is love and the people who choose to embody Him.

In A Stray Drop of Blood, Abigail is a slave forced to the bed of her master. She doesn’t speak up because she doesn’t think she has a voice, and she fears the consequences if she does. But Abigail learns that even in her darkest hour, her God really does hear even her. Purchase a signed copy HERE.

In Jewel of Persia, Kasia finds herself a member of a harem–one of many women not just in her husband’s past, but in his present. How can she love a man who doesn’t value the sacred union like she does? Purchase a signed copy HERE.

In The Reluctant Duchess, Rowena suffers what today would be classified as date rape. And her father’s answer is to try to make her marry the man who attacked her. She ends up accepting the help of another man–a kind, Godly man–but learning to trust him is no easy task. Purchase a signed copy HERE.

Word of the Week – Hose

by Roseanna White | Sep 24, 2018 | Word of the Week

I know, I know. This seems like a strange choice of word for me to look up. ? But I had a moment last week when I was wondering how long the garden-hose type of thing had been in use, so I looked it up. As I do. And then was kind of amazed by the answer!

Hose first meant “a covering for the legs.” As early as the 13th century, hose were a common article of clothing, especially for men. They could be woven or of leather, have feet or not. We know them today as tights or leggings, but those hose of old would have been much thicker than the nylons some women still wear (though I usually eschew them, LOL).

In the Middle Ages, the word began to be applied to other things that resembled a stocking, like a sheath or a husk of a grain. So where did the garden-hose sense of things come in? And why?

The etymology site doesn’t explain the “why” clearly, but it did mention that one of the roots of the word–the Dutch hoos–not only meant “leg covering” but “waterspout.” I wonder if this dual meaning had something to do with the additional meaning the word gained in English.

Regardless a “flexible rubber tube used to convey liquid” has been around since the mid 1300s! I had no idea it was that old. Hence why I had to share. ?