by Roseanna White | Apr 25, 2013 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
Tuesday night/Wednesday was, let’s say, not great. When I went to bed at 11, I’d meant to set my alarm for 5:30 but forgot. I wanted to get up early to write, but I’d been waking up early on my own, so I figured I’d be fine.
At 1 a.m., a very distressed “Mommy!” woke me up. Poor Xoe (7) was sick. And proceeded to be sick every half hour, meaning that neither of us had the chance to go back to sleep. At about 3, I had the thought that, unlike the last time we had a sick kid in the middle of the night, there was nothing going on this Wednesday that I would have to plan around. We could just rest.
Thank you, Lord.
The pattern continued until, oh, 5:00. I fell back into bed that time staring at the clock and wondering if, unlike every other time, either of us would manage to get back to sleep before the nausea struck again. Oh, I prayed so. I prayed so with every fiber of my being, as I had been praying for the last two hours.
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Women Doing Laundry by Jahn Ekenaes
(Oh yes, thank you for washing machines!) |
Downstairs I heard the whir of the dryer. The chug of the washer. And it occurred to me that plenty of times over the past two years, one or the other of those machines had been not working improperly, either plain not going or not draining right. But tonight, both were behaving beautifully as they washed the sheets and towels and clothes soiled from upset bellies.
Thank you, Lord.
At 6:00 when I heard the bathroom door creak again, I realized I had actually slept for the first time since those two hours at the beginning of the night, and that Xoe had too.
Thank you, Lord.
Though my poor little dumpling understandably asked when she was going to stop and feel better, she smiled as I tucked her, yet again, into bed.
Thank you, Lord.
A mere half hour later, Rowyn woke up. Too chipper for his exhausted mama, waaaaaaaaay too bouncy. But chipper and happy and healthy.
Thank you, Lord.
By no means was this a great day. Certainly not the day I’d planned when I meant to set my alarm and wake up early to write. We weren’t out basking in the beautiful 75-degree sunshine like I would normally have wanted.
But you know, it’s just the flu. It passes quickly. We can deal with it. We have the blessing of being able to redo our schedule at the drop of a hat, thanks to homeschooling. I work from home, so I can just declare it a sick day if I have to. We can rest, we can recuperate, and we can so what needs doing. And oh, how much doable it all seems when I remember to take those moments between the yucks and exhaustion to
Thank you, Lord.
by Roseanna White | Apr 18, 2013 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
Anyone who knows me knows this title is not about my house. 😉
As I stood in front of my stove cooking dinner (mark it on your calendar!) the other night, with my head still in my novel (not rare enough to be noted, LOL), I got to thinking. I’d just written an out-of-the-blue line about my hero returning a borrowed fob. No big deal. Except that until that moment I didn’t know he had borrowed the fob…though I mentioned his pocket watch and its attaching chain in chapter 2. So back I went to the beginning, did a little tweak to the line, and voila. He pulled out his borrowed fob.
See? Neat and tidy.
This is the sort of thing I take great care with in my books. I don’t like any reference to be in vain, so I always make sure everything is woven all the way throughout. But, let’s face it, these small details will probably go unnoticed more often than not. Right? The cynical side of me might say, in moments of exhaustion, that they go unappreciated. But when someone
does catch these little carried-through threads, I hope it makes them go, “Aha! Nice!” Occasionally I’ll get a note from a critique partner or editor or reader letting me know they noticed something like this, and it makes me grin.
Yes, in fiction, all loose ends must be tied. All dangling threads snapped and pulled out. All lines and scenes and plots neatly ordered.
But in life?
Maybe because I focus so much on this sort of thing in my stories, I find myself looking for it in the real world too. Looking for those “Aha!” moments. Those times when it becomes glaringly clear why that thing happened a month or year or decade ago. I daresay I’m not alone in that–we all like to find reason in the seemingly-random, right? I usually call it looking for God’s hand. Which it is.
But as I stood there stirring my ground beef and thinking about watch fobs, it occurred to me that sometimes those threads are crucial…but so very small they really will likely go unnoticed. And if that happens in my books, which are crafted by small-visioned me, how often is that the case in life, where the omniscient God is the author? How many times do things never make sense to us, never even gain our notice…yet were crafted with such perfect care by Him?
Life, to our human eyes, is messy. Often ugly. Always beyond our total comprehension. But you know, I think if we could look at it through the Author’s eyes, we’d see where every thread is pulled through. Where every loose end is tied off. Where every tear we shed, where every dream we dream matters in our life story. I think, if we could see it in the right light, life would look a lot neater.
The reality is, we’re incapable of that. And that’s okay too. Because just like most people will never pause to think, “Wow, she wove the watch fob back in two hundred pages later!”, it’s not necessary that we notice every time God makes sense of things. It’s enough to know He does. To be able to see the big ones. It’s okay to wonder about the ones we never see reemerge.
Because He’s got it all under control. And sometimes I can just hear Him whisper, “Just hold on. You’ll understand in another few chapters…”
by Roseanna White | Apr 4, 2013 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
My parents always read to me as a kid. I started writing when I was, oh, six or seven. It took another year or two for me to love reading (myself) other stories as much as I loved creating my own, but I definitely came down with that bug something fierce. And after college, I decided I should take up writing reviews. At the time there was a lack of reviews from the Christian perspective, and I wanted to fill the gap.
It wasn’t long until I was a member of ACFW and reviewing the books of a lot of other authors from the organization. And because of that, I had faces to put to the names and titles. I knew there were people behind the books, I knew the people, sometimes (a little). And I knew too that I was a writer, and that was always in the back of the my mind. I wanted my reviews to be honest, but I also wanted them to be fair and Godly. I wanted to never, ever write a review that was not one I would be hurt to receive.
When I first had books out there in the world to be reviewed, I was pretty blessed. All my first reviews were positive. And often not just positive but glowing. Left and right I had folks saying how my biblicals changed their lives, their understanding, I heard “best book” or “favorite book” a few times. Which gave me the confidence to say that I was actually looking forward to my first negative review, because it would make me more a “real” writer.
Yeah. Silly me, LOL.
In the years since then, I’ve gotten my fair share of bad reviews. I’ve let them bog me down sometimes, and other times I’ve shaken them off. When they’re really well thought-out negative reviews, I learn and grow from them. I thought I’d gotten pretty good at dealing with the negative, focusing on the positive. But recently, I’ve come to a decision that, for me, is pretty big.
I’m done reading reviews of my books. Finished.
Ciao, bye-bye. Other writers I love and respect have arrived at this place long before me, and I never quite got it. But with the release of
Ring of Secrets, I do. All of a sudden, reviews are depressing me, even the good ones. I can’t really explain the reason, just the result. I want readers to find and read and love my book, I want to be approachable, I welcome and love notes from them. But I’m to the point where I’m leaving that up to them. If they want me to know their thoughts, they can email or find me on Facebook–and I LOVE THAT!–but leaving a review on Amazon is for the other readers. Not for me anymore. If someone sends me their review, I’ll read it, because they want to share. If my editor forwards me one, awesome. I’ll assume it’s something she wants me to read. But I’m done with seeking them out.
For me, this is a matter of putting aside pride and refocusing. After years and years of reading my reviews, this is a new decision, one I’m still thinking through. I don’t want to be hung up, anymore, on what people are saying about me. I don’t want to be writing just for praise. I’m writing to praise. I’m writing to share the stories the Lord has put on my heart. I’m writing to minister.
I’m certainly not saying authors who read their reviews are not doing this–not at all!! Just speaking for my own tendencies. As my heart and mind continue this journey of publication, it’s easy to for me to get too competitive, too glory-hungry, too focused on me. It’s easy to take offense. And I need to guard my heart against that. I need to stay focused on God, on the readers, on the stories. Not on the praise or the criticism.
Where do you come down on reviews? As readers? As writers? What do you think their purpose is, and how do they effect you personally?
by Roseanna White | Mar 28, 2013 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I sat here for a good while this morning debating what to write about. It’s Holy Week, my favorite time of year. I love reflecting on all He’s given us, on His amazing love in giving up His life to save ours. I think I’ve had some nice insights over the years, LOL–and I’ve shared most of them already. 😉
This year, my weekend is packed to the brim with activities, from egg hunts to a seder-style dinner tonight at church. But what I’m most looking forward to is a concert linked not so much to Easter per se as to the love it represents–and which some friends of ours are living out in the most amazing way. As I sat here debating, I realized I wanted to introduce you to Todd and Erin and their kids. We belong to the same home school group, and this past year have been attending a small bible study with them and two other families with small kids, so we’ve been blessed to get to know them. I realize most of you are too far to come to the concert, but these folks could use your prayers! So here’s an article I wrote that appeared in the local paper the other day.
A local church is
teaming up with a local family to help bring a brother and sister
home to Frostburg from Ethiopia.
Frostburg residents
Todd and Erin Vogtman are a couple with a lot of love to give.
Married for thirteen years, they met in college when both were
studying to be teachers. In addition to now being a primary school
teacher, Todd is a talented singer and guitarist. Erin, a gifted
artist, spent years as a public school teacher as well and now home
schools their four biological children.
Many see this
family with four kids already and wonder at their interest in
adoption—especially international adoption. But for Todd and Erin,
it isn’t a matter of simply wanting more children, it’s a matter
of wanting to improve the lives of children who otherwise would have
nothing. “We believe that those who have much, hold much
responsibility to give. And just living in this country puts us as
some of the most privileged people in the world,” Erin says on her
blog,
One Sought Me.
“Parenting is such a fun adventure full of laughing and learning.
We know firsthand how fast time flies when watching kids grow and how
precious our time is as parents to our interesting and unique
kiddos.”
Though the Vogtmans have immense respect for those who work in the
foster care system of our country, they could not escape the
realization that even those who have the least in America are so
often richer than the majority of the people in third world
countries. And while every orphan is in need of love and protection,
those born in underprivileged nations have virtually no chance for
betterment aside from what comes in from other nations. These are
children who could very well starve and die before reaching adulthood
if no one feels the call to step in. Todd, Erin, and their kids felt
that call.
But the Vogtmans discovered as they began research into international
adoption that it’s a difficult path, especially when a family
already has four biological children. Their choices on where they
could apply soon dwindled down to a few, and they eventually settled
on Ethiopia. They have at this point been approved for adoption and
hope to have their new brother and sister with them by the end of
2013.
Adoption, however, is a costly calling, and so area businesses and
churches are teaming up with the Vogtmans on their loving mission and
sharing in the task of fund-raising. And what better way than to draw
on the talents the family already has? With that thought in mind,
Full Gospel SDB Church, located on Hazen Rd, invited Todd to perform
at their monthly Saturday Night Alive program. Admission is free, but
a freewill offering will be taken up, all proceeds to go to the
Vogtman adoption.
~*~
For those of you online and too far away to come support this amazing family, I do invite you to check out Erin’s blog,
One Sought Me. If you feel so led, there’s a donation button in the right corner. Every little bit helps!
by Roseanna White | Mar 21, 2013 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
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| The Christian Martyrs’ Last Prayer, painted 1883 by Jean-Léon Gérôme |
My church has been doing a study of the book of 1 John leading up to Easter. It’s such a rich little book, full of the foundations and mysteries of faith. And as I read it and study it out, it does indeed make me pause to examine what this thing is that fills me.
This past week we were on chapter 4, and as we discussed it, we got on the subject of searching for proof of faith…and by contrast, the extreme doubt of everything that entered with the modern period. And I began to wonder if the two were related.
In the late 19th century, science was expanding by leaps and bounds. Discoveries were made constantly, technology was rapidly evolving, and even literature was responding with amazing, fantastical books that explored the what-ifs of this changing world. What if we could travel to the center of the earth? Or under the sea? Or back in time?
Fueled by this new understanding, religion began asking the same questions. What if we could
prove life after death? What if we could call up the spirits of those gone before? What if we could cross that veil? Cue the Spiritualism movement, with its
tea party seances and knockings and rappings and rather frightening invitations, like when they would produce a child who couldn’t read or write and invite a spirit to use his body to convey a message with a pencil. Yikes!
I can understand why the idea of proving faith would appeal. Just think–it they could produce scientific evidence of heaven and hell, of the spiritual world, then who could possibly doubt them??
And yet directly after that came the skeptics. The movement that not only questioned faith, questioned God, but questioned their own existence. As a professor at my college said in a seminar one night, “I just can’t talk to you anymore if you’re going to say such things.” The skeptics took questioning to a whole new level, literally doubting everything. How do you know the sun will rise tomorrow? You can’t prove it will. How do you know you’re still you when you sleep? Are you still conscious of yourself? (Insert Roseanna replying in that seminar, “I’m not conscious of any moments when I’m not conscious of myself” and earning riotous laughter…)
Now I can’t say that these desires to prove and to doubt are actually linked, but I’m going to speculate. What if they are? What if, by searching for that proof of faith, we remove all certainty? What if when we question that most basic human yearning for something greater, we end up knowing nothing at all?
Questions are natural. Doubt is natural. The seeking of proof is natural. But the more I ponder it all in relation to faith, the more I think faith is not meant to ever be proven. Because faith is the proof. It’s the evidence of our hopes. It’s the substance of the unseen. Faith is itself a thing, a force, a form, an ideal. One of the few things that can exist purely within us.
Yes, people can question its existence. Just like they can question love, life, their very existence. They can question anything. But just because you doubt the laws of physics doesn’t keep them from operating. Just because you doubt yourself doesn’t mean you wink out of being. And just because you questions faith and God doesn’t mean they’re not real.
Some things demand proof, yes. And some things are the proof. I’ve come to the conclusion that faith is often miscategorized. Don’t ask me to prove that an apple will fall–take it instead as the proof of gravity. Don’t ask me to prove faith is real–take it instead as the proof of our hope in the Lord.
by Roseanna White | Mar 7, 2013 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
In our home school reading yesterday, we were reading the continued tale of the life of a Prussian missionary to England, George Müller. In the part of the story we got to, he had just gotten married to the sister of a British missionary, and together they had made a decision to abolish pew rents in their church–which meant their living went from guaranteed to based on the goodwill of their tiny congregation.
One night, all the food in the house was gone. But George and Mary set the table anyway. They sat down at the dinner hour. They held hands, and they prayed. Not asking God for food–but rather, thanking Him for all he had provided. Thanking Him.
Minutes after their prayer had ended, someone showed up at their door with a whole ham.
That story traveled with me throughout the day. When it comes to this life of ours, it’s so easy to focus on what we lack. The things we don’t have. The empty places. Sometimes, that’s all we can see. It surrounds us. It defines us.
Lack can be such a solid thing. Think about it: what’s the absence of light? Darkness. What’s the absence of heat? Cold.
Things that are literally nothing in themselves, yet their counterparts are so crucial to us that we feel their absence as a physical thing. And the same applies to things like wealth, food, clothing, cars, houses…all those other things. It applies too to family, friends, churches, school, education.
Things we, as human beings, crave. Need. And when we don’t have them, we feel it.
But George Müller taught me something today. He taught me that I shouldn’t just pray for the empty places to be filled. I should praise Him for having them. I should praise the Lord my God for taking away what I don’t need. I should praise Him for giving me life enough to want. I should praise him for being bigger than a lack, for being the eternal Being that is never absent.
And I should pray knowing that all those empty places…they’re just potential, waiting for Him. They’re just Him sweeping clean so He can give me what I really need. Because how could He, if I’d filled with junk the places He wanted to fill with promise? If the Müllers had scavenged for moldy bread, why would God have sent a feast?
What plates are we filling today with garbage, just to have something, when we should be waiting for Him to provide the right thing?
Lack will never be easy. It’s not meant to be. Not many people in this world ever seek it. But it finds us, in one form or another, always. There is always something more we want. Some hole we see in our lives. Some empty place.
But let’s try doing it like the Müllers did. Let’s set the table anyway. Let’s sit down together, join hands, and praise Him. Praise Him not just for what He will provide, but for the empty places just waiting for Him.
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.