by Roseanna White | Oct 23, 2014 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
It’s Xoë’s birthday. That means cinnamon rolls and homemade macaroni, and a day off school (woo hoo!). It means presents and pink and laughter and fun. And a mommy who solemnly swears to stay off her computer most of the day.
Of course, Xoë isn’t up yet, so here I am. 😉
I had preconceived notions of motherhood–who doesn’t? I thought I’d be perfectly patient all the time, nurturing my babies to adulthood with wisdom and boundless love.
I’ve got the love part. And I sure try to be wise. Patience…well, let’s say parenthood has taught me a lot in that department.
And though I have moments of temporary insanity when I walk into the living room and it looks like a toy bomb has exploded, those moments are far, far outweighed by the ones where I draw my kiddos close and think, “Yep, this is it. This is what life is about.”
Xoë is my firstborn, and she’s such a special little girl. I can’t quite believe she’s 9 today (HOW DID THAT HAPPEN???!!!), but I figure it’s a good time to make a list. Nine reasons out of the gazillion that I love my brave little princess.
1. She’s always thinking about others. She shares gladly with her brother (most of the time, LOL) and even more gladly with cousins and friends. She’d rather make sure those she loves are happy than herself. I’ve never met a child more eager to help. (She loved being my helper at book events, like in the photo above.)
2. She’s smart. I’ve yet to introduce a concept in school that she hasn’t grasped within a day or two. (Okay, Roman numerals took a few months–but when she got them, she got them with a vengeance! She’s now quicker at them than I am!)
3. She’s clever. Which is different from smart, LOL. I love hearing the witty things she says, the clever little jokes she’ll make. Makes my day every time. =)
4. She believes in celebrating. I’m talking, any occasion she can come up with. We had a First Day of Fall Festival just last month, and she’ll make decorations and banners for whichever party she decides to throw in a given week–and this girl plans months in advance. I pray she never loses that heart to rejoice over the little things! It makes life so much brighter. =)
5. She’s not afraid to be crazy. Nothing makes me grin more than when she does a silly little walk or dance.
6. She’s still a little girl. In a world where kids idolize TV stars and musicians, where I often shake my head at how primary schoolers try to act like 17-year-olds, my little girl is just that. A little girl. I know part of that is likely due to our lovely little homeschooling bubble, but I’ll keep it that way for a while longer, thanks. A 9-year-old should be a little girl!
7. She’s thoughtful. Just last night when she heard the reports of the terrible events in Canada yesterday, she asked, “What’s terrorism?” And then, after I explained it, “But why would anyone do that?” We had a rather lengthy discussion on it all…
8. She’s creative. She draws, she writes stories, she designed in Photoshop…yeah, I know. Sounds like me, LOL. But seeing what she creates always leaves me with this big ol’ glow of pride…
and..
9. She’s not afraid to be herself. Over the years she’s ended up among some pretty relentless leaders–her cousin, the neighbor girl, etc. And she rarely insists on being the leader. But she also isn’t afraid to say, “No, let’s not do that.” No matter who she’s with, she’s Xoë.
And oh, how I love my Xoë. Happy birthday, pumpkin!
by Roseanna White | Oct 16, 2014 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
When I was a kid, I had big dreams. And this idea that writers lived on mansion on hilltops. I thought that surely, surely fame and fortune awaited me down that road. That I’d be a household name. That people would squeal with excitement when they met me. That I’d be able to dive into my vault of gold like Scrooge McDuck.
Yeah, so…um, no. LOL. That’s not the life of a writer–at least, not many of us. But that’s okay. Because the more I travel this road, the more I know it isn’t about those old dreams. It’s about the stories God puts in my heart.
For a lot of writers, writing is a career. They love it, but it comes down to the bottom line. I get that…but that’s not me. To me, despite those childhood dreams, writing isn’t about what I get from it. It’s about what I can give with it. Writing is my calling. Writing is my ministry. Writing is the way I share about faith, about God, about how He guides through our lives. About how love lifts us above the dark places–though those dark places will always come.
Tonight I have a book signing at my local Library, so my thoughts this morning were on the subject. And I’ve also been hearing back from my beta readers for
A Soft Breath of Wind, so that makes me think about it even more. I guess as a kid, I would have imagined that praise for my books would have made me smile like a movie star, utter a gracious
thank you so much! and go about my day knowing I’d done that, I’d done what I set out to do.
Instead, every time I get an email or message from one of these early readers with words like your best yet and this opened my eyes to faith on a whole new level, there’s no euphoria. There’s no glow of accomplishment. There’s something better. There’s that deep-down, bone-level gratitude to God for helping me write what He wanted me to. For putting down a story I wasn’t sure would be what my core readers want and finding that it’s what they need. For realizing He had things in mind for my words I didn’t know.
That’s what writing has become for me. And while it might not be enough for Scrooge McDuck, I gotta say, it’s why I keep doing this. It’s why I get up at 5:30 every morning, though I don’t often get to bed until 11. It’s why I bake cookies to take to the Library with me, though my day is already full. It’s why I sacrifice that time when I could be outside or reading or otherwise at play, to squeeze a few more paragraphs onto the page.
I’ve said it before, I’m sure. I write because it’s who I am. It’s what I’m called to do. If no one ever read it, I’d still write. If I never earned a penny, I’d still write. Because God teaches me so much through each story.
Yesterday marked the T-one month date for the release of
A Soft Breath of Wind. And as the countdown to release begins, I’m covering this book with prayer. It goes places no other book of mine has ever gone. It digs to places I didn’t know it would plumb. It asks questions I’d never thought to wonder about until Zipporah and Benjamin and Samuel brought them up.
And that means it’s probably going to offend some people–those types of books always do. So I’m also praying that it doesn’t get into the hands of anyone to whom it would be a stumbling block. I’m fine with people not liking my book, with them taking issue with it, if it’s an issue God wants them to take. But I’m not okay with people asking questions that makes them waver in their faith or go places in their minds they don’t need to go (I’ve had a few of those reviews over the years too). So if you’ve a mind to say a prayer over this book and its releasing, please include that–that it make it into the hands of those who need it and stays out of the hands of those who don’t.
I’d also appreciate a prayer for my event tonight. I love doing Library signings–so much fun to chat with folks who love books! So here’s hoping it goes well and I meet some new people to chat with. =)
by Roseanna White | Oct 9, 2014 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
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| Autumn…always crazy around here |
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said or written the words, “Sorry, this month has been crazy.” I think I probably utter/type it at least once a month. Because, let’s face it, life is crazy. It’s always crazy. And though I always think, It’ll get better once I’m done this… the fact remains that once I’m done one thing, it just means another is on the horizon.
Traditionally, October is my crazy month, where I have something going on every weekend. Fall Festival, family reunion, daughter’s birthday, Halloween. This year, September way outdid October’s plans. This year, we were gone for vacation, then for homecoming at our college, then there was ACFW. I’m so, so glad to be home for a while, even if I still have all those normal October things to do.
My point? Well, that every day is crazy. Every week. Every month. And I can either use that as an excuse to put things off and let life overwhelm me…or I can not.
That’s a hard one for me. I admit it. All too often things get pushed to the backburner in my life (like cleaning…or sorting through that stack of mail that I hope doesn’t have any bills I’ve missed…or…) while I focus on the pressing things.
So how do I do better? Honestly, I’m not an expert on this. I don’t have the answers. But this past year, as we moved and settled, as I had to pitch a new series to new publishers, as I worked on my biblical at a snail’s pace, as I edited and designed a book every month for WhiteFire, as I homeschooled both kids for the first time…well, some things shifted for me. Some things that made me realize that I can still have time to cook a decent meal, if I just make myself be creative. I can keep my house from becoming hopeless, if I just force myself to spend one evening a week on it (it’s not great, mind you, but not hopeless). I can write, I can read, I can edit, if I’m willing to budget my time.
There are still days and weeks where I just can’t do any more. I can’t squeeze in one more activity, I can’t go one more place–not if I still want to finish my “have to”s. But at a certain point, I have to stop looking at it as crazy…and just start accepting it as everyday life. And cherish the fact that, though crazy-busy, my family is at least crazy-busy together. We’re not pulled a million different directions everyday. And I love that. I love that we spend so much time together.
It kinda makes me think that all the crazy is worth it. Because we can live in Crazytown together. And really, it’s a pretty fun place to be.
by Roseanna White | Sep 18, 2014 | Remember When Wednesdays, Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
This past weekend, I was in Annapolis. Strolling old, familiar streets, laughing with old, familiar friends. Striding across rain-dampened grass that I’ve darted over many a time, struggling to keep a book-laden bag on my shoulder.
Now, homecoming is every year, but this is the first we’ve gone. Because it was our 10th. Ten years! Gracious, that makes me feel old, LOL. But as we sat on the Quad, browsed through the bookstore, and watched the truly spectacular Star-Spangled Fireworks light up the sky over back campus, I realized it didn’t matter how long we’d been gone–there’s something about St. John’s that never leaves you.
The event was over the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Ft. McHenry in Baltimore, the battle that “The Star-Spangled Banner” commemorates–because Francis Scott Key was an alumnus, thank you very much. =) One of our most famous, but…well, then again we can also claim the creator of MacGuyver. In fact, he received an award at the banquet this year. So yeah. FSK + MacGuyver. St. John’s obviously rocks. 😉
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| View of McDowell Hall from Back Campus |
I don’t often just talk about St. John’s on here because, well…so few people know what it’s all about, and I could ramble on forever on the subject, which no one wants, LOL. But today, I have to talk a bit about it. Because if anything struck me this weekend, it wasn’t the fireworks. It was the camaraderie. It was the sure knowledge that whatever stranger I spoke to on campus, we had common ground.
We are Johnnies. And that means something very special.
It means we can talk about Plato, Aristotle, and St. Aquinas. It means we debate Marx and Jefferson and Nietzsche. It means we have a working knowledge of physics and metaphysics and biology and chemistry…and that we might take a conversation on one of those into music theory at any moment. It means we know how to think, we’ve learned how to ask questions. It means we can carry on a conversation with absolutely anyone, on any topic…though fair warning, we might sneak Greek into the weirdest places.
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| This is from the SJC website…but it’s also pretty much one of my bookcases |
Being a Johnny means loving books. Loving literature. Loving philosophy. But more, it means loving learning. It means cherishing what has shaped us, not just the way we turn out. It means recognizing the value of the journey. It means recognizing that different opinions, different perspectives, different conclusions aren’t to be dismissed–they’re to be learned from. They don’t have to convince us…but you know, in examining what we don’t agree with, we often discover why.
Yes, we study Mr. God Is Dead right along with Augustine and Aquinas and the Bible itself. And you know what? Reading other people who question the very existence of God, the value of faith, made me value it all the more. Made me understand why I believe what I do…and made me able to talk about it to those who don’t.
St. John’s helped make me who I am. In every single book I’ve written, you’ll find reference to Program material–whether it be based on the work themselves (like
Jewel of Persia) or feature cameos of some of my favorite books (Brook, in my upcoming
The Lost Heiress, is wading through the German of Hegel, which is so difficult that German students often use the English translation!).
This weekend, I was reminded of all that. I got to hang out with my friends and talk about everything from dog breeding to Plato’s Symposium. Wine making to the publishing industry. I got to chat with current students and know that, though I’m a decade older, we all have that Johnny soul. I got to watch alumni from the ’40s come up to the podium and talk about how they fled Hitler’s Germany…and were blessed to find the opportunity in America to attend St. John’s.
I got to remember why I so love asking questions, exploring the what-ifs, thinking through a story…and teaching my kids Greek (everyone thought that was awesome, by the way). I got to be, not just a wife, not just a mommy, not just a teacher or a writer or an editor…I got to be a Johnny. I’d almost forgotten how cool a distinction that is.
by Roseanna White | Sep 11, 2014 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
Last week, my family had the joy of vacationing in Hatteras, on the southern tip of the Outer Banks of North Carolina, as far south as one can go before needing a ferry to continue. We basked in the sun. We played in the waves. We relaxed.
And we collected seashells.
The kids had been looking forward to that part for weeks. When family asked them what they wanted to do on vacation, their answers were: (1) play mini-golf, (2) get Sweet Frog frozen yogurt, and (3) collect seashells.
One small catch–the beach by our house had virtually no shells. For the first few days, they collected about 5. And at least two of those came from the strip of rocks and shells beside our condo rather than the beach, LOL. On Wednesday night, a few had washed to shore, and as we were out hunting ghost crabs, the kids grabbed up all the shells they could find. Very few were what I would deem keepable, but they were the only ones we’d seen, so…
Then on Thursday, we got an off-road driving permit and took the Jeep out onto Buxton point, behind the Hatteras lighthouse. This sandy peninsula was populated by other 4x4s, surrounded by blue-green water…and littered with big, beautiful shells. Eureka!
Now, I’ve been collecting shells for a lot of years…but always had limited space for bringing them home. So I had to come up with criteria for what I kept and what I left. For me it usually comes down to color and shape. I’m a sucker for pinks and purples. And for whole, unbroken shells. I like the kinds that have swirling patterns. And the ultimate find, of course, is a conch.
My kids though…they would pick up the ugliest, weirdest looking things! Ones I would have tossed back in a heartbeat they clung to with fierce determination.
The broken ones. (But Mommy, look at the cool pattern it makes along the break!)
The common ones. (I can use it as a shovel!)
The ugly ones. (But look, it has fossils in it!)
The ones just like the other twenty they already kept. (Oh cool, now it’s a collection!)
At first I tried to reason with them, to impose my logic. (Ha! LOL) And on some, we had no disagreement, like the perfect little conch we found on Friday, our second day at the point. Or the ones with holes that Xoe can turn into necklaces.
But those others…
As I walked the sand, as I kept my eye out for what I deemed the perfect shell, I stopped arguing with the kids. Let them pick whatever they wanted right then–but we’d have to sort through them before we left. No way could we take all those buckets- and bags-full home! There wasn’t room in our Jeep.
And yet, as I walked the sand, I knew I wouldn’t have the heart to take away the shells they loved, just because I didn’t see the beauty in them. In fact, the more I saw the mangled shells they chose, the more I loved those kids.
Because they see beauty where I saw scars.
They see purpose where I see brokenness.
They see what it looked like whole where I see the jagged edge left behind.
They see potential where I see hopelessness.
They marvel at the size where I screw up my nose at the color.
They are so, so much closer to looking at things through God’s eyes than I am.
Because let’s face it–we’re not the pretty, perfect seashells. We’re the broken ones. The scarred ones. The mangled ones. The shattered ones. The ugly ones. We’re the ones discerning eyes would pass over. We’re the ones perfection has long ago left behind.
And God loves us. Not despite our flaws, but because each crack, each track of worm-eating, each place where the sand has rubbed us raw…those are part of us. Part of what makes us who we are. Part of what God loves. He can see the whole, unbroken creation we are in potential…but he can also see the way he can use us in our brokenness. Because of our brokenness.
Yes, we came home with buckets and bags of seashells. And to be honest, I still shake my head at some of them.
But I’m glad. I’m so glad my kids picked up the ones I never would have. Because it proves that their eyes, their hearts, their imaginations go far beyond what I can see. And I thank the Lord that he’s given them a bit of his vision. Because if they can find the beauty in this…
…then I know they also see the beauty in us. Just like our Father.
by Roseanna White | Aug 28, 2014 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I admit it–I don’t read for pleasure as much as I used to. Mostly because during the school year, I spend so many hours a day reading to my kids, writing, and editing that by the end of the day, my eyes and brain say, “Nope, we’re done. Stare at the television or go to sleep. Those are your choices.”
But there’s another reason. It’s because I’ve trained myself so much to be an editor that I can’t read a book without noting what I’d ask the author to change…and that get really, really annoying when I’m just reading for fun, LOL.
Now, the mark of a truly excellent book is when the editor switches off, or at least finds nothing to whine about. That happens, and I love it when it does. But other times…yeah. I recently read a dystopian where the character at one point mentions that in her town, there’s no music. She barely has a concept of what it is. Then a few scenes later, she likens someone’s breathing to a concertina. Um, no. If you don’t know what music is, you aren’t going to think in terms of instruments. Sorry. A first person book that suddenly goes out of POV and tells me what another character is thinking? Shudder. And that historical full of inaccuracies? Ouch.
I guess it’s kinda like a doctor watching a medical show. Or someone in law enforcement watching CSI. They’re going to notice the faults, the things the show gets wrong, and it’s going to ruin it for them. Sadly, that’s how some books are for me these days. It’s one thing to notice all the typos, which I’ve always done. But these days, it’s so much more than that.
But then it makes me wonder.
How can God stand to watch us?? LOL. I mean, He’s got it all right. He knows what He’s doing. He knows the right thing, the wrong thing, the so-so things we could do in each moment, and He sees how often we go the wrong way. How often we miss the mark.
And I can imagine Him in heaven, with his metaphorical red pen, saying, “You know, if you’d just let me give you some advice right here…”
But here’s another thing I’ve learned about editors–you have to let them give you advice. Freelancers you hire, and you can totally choose whether to take their advice or ignore them. When you’ve signed a contract with a publishing house, you kinda have to listen to what they say. Kinda. But you might be surprised at how many authors refuse, and take the cancellation of their contract over giving over control of their story.
What about in our lives? Do we give over control to Him? He, who is the ultimate author? The ultimate editor? Who understands far better than we do where the plots of our lives are going? Who knows what’s relevant and what isn’t? Where our focus should be?
Lord, be my editor. Catch all my errors and help me correct them. Cut out all that fluff I don’t need in my life. Keep my words tight and true to You. Lord, be my editor…and help me to take Your perfect advice.
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.