It’s winter in the northern hemisphere. January has turned to February, February will soon be March, and we’ll start looking for the first signs of springs. Daffodil greens … buds on the trees … the return of birds that migrated south. We’ll start looking, but the temperatures where I live will still be mockingly low. It’s cold. It’ll be cold for a while yet. Every day I’ll hope it’s a little warmer, and every day when it’s not, I’ll think, Will spring ever come?

I know it will. But when winter refuses to loosen its grip, it’s easy to forget. It doesn’t feel like spring is on its way.

This weekend, we’ll celebrate my son’s fifteenth birthday, so of course my thoughts drift back in time, to when I was, to put it biblically, “large with child.” I remember sitting at my mom’s birthday party, what turned out to be three days before Rowyn came, but still three weeks from his due date, and thinking, I am so uncomfortable. I need this kid to come soon. That pregnancy hadn’t been fun–I’d been sick the whole time, I hurt from my insides to my skin, and while the thought of actually giving birth again gave me a rather hilarious moment of panic, I also felt that impatience that pregnant women are rather famous for feeling. Is this ever going to be over? I want my baby NOW! We know that days in the womb equal health for the baby (most of the time), but even so. We’re impatient. We want to move from potential to actual. We want fulfillment.

We know they’ll come. The child in our womb will not stay in our womb. But it doesn’t always feel that way.

God, when He created the universe, created it with motion. We mark that motion and call it time. He made us that way, as creatures who live in time and rely on time. He gave us minds capable of dividing that time into smaller and smaller portions, down to nanoseconds … and into larger and larger portions, counting millennia and epochs. We can count it. But we can’t escape it. We are children of time.

And we’re impatient. We look at the march of seconds and hours and days and weeks and months, and always, we yearn for that next fulfillment.

We wait for things–and we don’t always wait well.

We wait for the next season. The next break. The next vacation. We wait for that promised child, the promised job, the promised raise. We wait for the healing we need, the new treatment, the answer.

We wait. And we resent the now that isn’t the then, when we have the thing we need or want. We stretch always forward, thinking the future a bright and sparkling thing, and we look back, remembering the past as something better than where we are. How long, Lord, we pray along with the psalmist. How long must we wait for You?

But we don’t serve a God who is slave to the motion of time He created, as we are. We serve a God who exists outside it, who looks on all of creation through all of time with omniscient eyes. He sees the then. He sees the now. He sees the was and the will be. He shapes time in His hands, sets us exactly where we need to be within it.

And He makes us promises.

I remember the days when my kids were toddlers. The span of their lives was so short–every day felt BIG to them. Every promise seemed to take forever to happen. “Is it time yet?” and “Are we there yet?” and “Mama, now?” were familiar phrases.

I remember a few snippets of those days from my own life. Do you? I remember being maybe four or five and visiting my grandparents. My parents were telling a story–I don’t remember about what–and they said it had happened a week ago. “It did not!” I remember yelling. “It was months ago!” It wasn’t. It’s just that it seemed so long ago to me, and I would have sworn–did, as a matter of fact–that it had been far longer than a few days.

How often is time, is fulfillment, is the promise skewed by our perception?

As I read through the Bible in a year last year, I marveled time and again at how this plays out in Scripture. God made a promise to Abraham. He promised him, first, a son. It took decades for this promise to be fulfilled. Decades! How many of us would be that patient? If a child is the deepest desire of our hearts and God had promised us one, would we just wait on Him to fulfill the promise? Or do we think, Maybe He meant I’d be a parent through some other means? like Abraham did.

God made promises to David, to the prophets, to Israel as a nation. He promised them a Savior, He promised that they would be the means by which the whole world was blessed, He promised them they would be His people and He would be their God. He made a covenant with them–far stronger than just a promise, than just words–and that covenant came with expectations. Things they needed to do–things He would do.

But it took time. Decades. Centuries. Millennia.

Is it any wonder, then, that Israel got impatient? That they forgot? That they slipped away? To their eyes, God was taking too long. He’d forgotten them. It didn’t feel like the promise was ever going to come.

Looking back from the 21st century, we know that it did. That He kept His word, gave His Word, and fulfilled His covenant. We know that in another blink of His eternal eye–whether that’s a day or another million years–He’ll fulfill the final promise of a Second Coming, of a New Heaven, a New Jerusalem. We know that eternity will overtake us and time will pass away.

But it doesn’t feel that way, as we’re struggling and striving against our own sins, our own limitations, our own weaknesses. Does it?

It’s never easy to wait. Not for the things we most need, we most yearn for. It’s never easy to be stuck in time and yet serve a God who is outside it. And yet … and yet there’s comfort there, too, really.

We can rest assured that what we mess up in the moment, He will redeem in the ever-after. When we can’t see the next step on the path, He’s looking on from above the maze, already knowing how it will turn out. When we think we can’t make it one more day, He already knows their full number and stretched them out just so for us.

We can know that those pieces we least understand will ultimately be for His glory; and that His glory means our good.

We don’t serve a God of the get-rich-quick, the instant-results, or the satisfaction-guaranteed. But we serve a God of eternal promises. A God of covenants. A God of His Word.

It isn’t easy. Neither is waiting for spring, or the arrival of that precious newborn, or the cure. But we wait, because that’s how He made us–creatures bound by time. We wait, and we learn, in the waiting, something more about Him. We learn what eternal means. And we learn, a little more, how awesome is our God.

God knows us. He calls us by name.

We know this. We can point to Scriptures that say it, we can recite it to each other. For that matter, I even sign each copy of The Nature of a Lady with “He knows your name.” I’ve printed it on tote bags. I’ve put it in a pretty font and positioned it within a lovely floral frame.

It’s true.

But that doesn’t mean we remember it. That we embrace it. That we live it.

We know that not only does God the Father know us and call us by name–our true names, the ones that reveal our true selves even more than whatever name our parents gave us could possibly do–but Jesus died for each one of us. We know that He loved each one of us enough to suffer on that cross. We know that He laid down His life for us. For you. For me.

We know it. But that doesn’t we remember it. That we embrace it. That we live it.

A couple weeks ago, my husband and I attended a daily mass on Wednesday night, like we always do. We listened to the beautiful Scriptures. We heard a beautiful homily on the importance and sanctity of life. And then we went up for communion. Father John was there that night, an older gent with white hair and a face that testifies to many years of smiles, of care. He’s relatively new to our parish, just joining the team of three in October. He’s still learning everyone’s names, but he knows ours because of some classes we’re taking–and he gets excited when he sees someone whose name he knows. His eyes light up, and he shakes our hands with a bright smile, saying, “Roseanna, right? And David!”

He’s been making a point of learning all the names he can. I can imagine him repeating them to himself, trying to pair names and faces of any of the 2,000+ families of parishioners in our area that he sees regularly. It’s a job! But the importance of it is clear. And became even clearer that quiet Wednesday night during the Christmas season.

Because that quiet Wednesday night during the Christmas season, when he was talking to us about the children murdered for Christ in Bethlehem upon Herod’s decree, when he was musing about the value of each and every life, what each individual can bring to his family, community, and world, when he reminded us all to mourn the tragedy of each young life ended not only then but today through abortion or neglect–that quiet Wednesday night, Father John held out the communion bread, looked me in the eye.

And he said, “Roseanna. The body of Christ.”

Roseanna. The Body of Christ. Broken for you.

Tears stung my eyes as I accepted that humble little wafer, said, “Amen!” and put it on my tongue. Because even though I’d known this truth for decades, it was the first time in my memory that anyone had said my name while giving me the body of Christ. And it made something quiver within me.

He calls us by name. He sacrificed His body, that same body we take in communion, that same body He invites us into as the Church, for us. For ME. As He was hanging on that cross, Jesus looked out over the centuries, into the eyes of each one of us, and says, “Beloved, this is for you.”

“Roseanna, I’m doing this for you.”

“Karen, I’m doing this for you.”

“Jennifer, I’m doing this for you.”

“Stephanie, Lynn, Elizabeth, Mary, Naomi, Karlene, Kimberly, Danielle, Kerry, Hannah, Pam, Shaleen, Arwen, Barbara, Jessica, Sandy, Rebecca, Caroline, Latisha, Melanie, Bethany, Candice, Cindy, Tina, Terri, Justine, Julie, Alyssa, Rachel, Halee, Bonnie, Nicole, Laura, Margaret, Betty, Deanna, Emily…I’m doing this for YOU.”

It’s a truth we know. But have we heard those syllables echo in our hearts? Down to our souls?

Do we live like it? Do we let it change us, not just once but every single day? Do we strive, in every hour, to become more and more like our Savior?

That quiet Wednesday evening during the Christmas season, Father John made it crystal clear that each life, each person, each name, each one of us is so beloved by our Father and His Son that He would make the ultimate sacrifice for us…and he also reminded me that we are called to be a sacrifice too. A living sacrifice, as Paul calls us–living, but willing to follow Him wherever He leads us.

Today, I pray that you savor that sweet truth on your tongue and in your heart. And I pray, too, that you accept His invitation to share that sweet truth with others.

Because He knows their name too. And He loves them. He loves them so much, that He stretched out His arms on that cross, looked across the centuries, and straight into their eyes too. He calls them by name. And He died for them.  Just like He did for you.

Forgiveness.

We know it’s important. We KNOW that. It’s a key line in the Lord’s Prayer–forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. It’s not only something we’re commanded to do, we confess in that prayer that we will only expect forgiveness in the measure in which we’re willing to give it.

We hear that Jesus gave the power to forgive sins to His disciples after His resurrection, along with the Holy Spirit. John 20:22-24 (ESV) says:

²² And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
²³ If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”

But have we ever really pondered what that means? If you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.

I mean, whoa. Wait a minute. Is Jesus really saying here that we can choose NOT to forgive, and He won’t either? That God won’t? That someone’s sins can be held against him eternally because WE refuse to forgive?

I’m sure this is something theologians debate–and I’ll leave them to it. Whether He was speaking there to all believers or just His disciples, who became the Fathers of the Church, its first bishops, and so had authority that the common lay person did not. But even so…even so. Let’s consider.

And let’s consider with one particular example.

During the Twelve Days of Christmas, the Church celebrates the life and death of its first martyr, Stephen. We get his story in Acts, and I imagine it’s one we all know–he’s being questioned by the Jewish leaders and gives a stirring confession of Jesus as the Christ, he looks up and sees a vision of Heaven with Jesus sitting at the right hand of God…and that so infuriates everyone that they stone him to death then and there…and a certain man called Saul watched over the cloaks of those doing the stoning.

But there’s another portion of that story too. Stephen does exactly what Christ did in His final moments, exactly what Christ instructed us all to do: he forgave.

He forgave the people who were murdering him. He forgave the people who hated him. He forgave…Saul.

Saul, who of course we know went on to become Paul, the most prolific apostle, without whose writings the New Testament would be pretty short. Paul, who went on to bring the Good News of salvation through Jesus to the Gentiles. Paul, who was arguably one of the most influential Christians of all time.

So…what if Stephen hadn’t forgiven in those final moments? What if he–an ordained deacon in that earliest Church, appointed to service by the Apostles themselves–had instead “withheld forgiveness.” Or as other translations render it, what if he had “retained the sins” of his persecutors? If he had, therefore, withheld eternal forgiveness from Paul?

Would God still have called him…or would He have chosen someone else instead? What would the Church, the very Bible have looked like if Saul had never been blinded on the road to Damascus and converted to Christianity? I believe that the work would have gotten done, yes, through another person. God still would have given the spiritual instruction to His followers…but the words would be different. Biblical writers are God-breathed, but the character of the human author is still seen in them. They put their own touches, their own personalities into them. We even see Paul speaking in some of his letters from his own wisdom, not as a heavenly mouthpiece, per se, which he readily admits. So those instructions certainly would have been different.

The entire course of human history, of Church history, could have been changed if one man–Stephen–hadn’t forgiven.

Who are WE refusing to forgive? What bitterness are we clinging to? What grudges do we refuse to let go of? What people are we therefore hindering from some eternally significant task? Ouch, right? We know how clinging to unforgiveness hurts us…but have we ever considered that our unforgiveness could hurt everyone? That it could have an impact so far-reaching? Have we considered that, because God graciously invited us into His work, gave us authority through the Holy Spirit, our decisions can hold real authority over the spiritual well being of others?

Again, I’m no theologian. I’m not stating definitively that God wouldn’t have called Saul if Stephen hadn’t uttered those words. But I am saying that asking the question should make startlingly clear what Jesus tells us very plainly: forgiveness is inexorably linked to eternity. Forgiveness determines forgiveness. Forgiveness unites us with God. Forgiveness is powerful, for our own souls and for others.

So let’s take Jesus’s words in John 20 at face value: if we don’t forgive someone, they will be condemned for their sins. God will not forgive them.

Is our argument with them worth their soul? Are we willing to answer for that judgment?

Love is hard. Forgiveness is hard. But part of being called to the communion of saints, part of being a true part of the Church, means putting off our sinful natures with all their bitterness and embracing the heart of Christ–the heart that forgave even up until the last minute. An example we see His first martyr following in his last moment.

Don’t wait for your last moment, friend. Embrace forgiveness. Embrace it because it will help you heal; embrace it because it could lead them to salvation; embrace it because  we can’t know what sinners God will use to build a key part of His kingdom…but it could be them.

Embrace it because Christ did.

A year ago, I made an announcement here on my blog in a post called “Introducing Patrons & Peers.” I was launching a direct-support, Patreon-style membership group here on my website.

In that initial post, I explained the concept–you could join at two main levels, choosing your support amount within them. Each came with a minimum buy-in but was open from there. You could support me monthly, quarterly, or annually. All members receive a tote bag, digital access to a members-only page on my site with special opportunities to provide feedback or see things from my writer life that others can’t, a coupon to my shop, and access to our private email group and Marco Polo video chat group.

In that post, too, I shared my true hope and heart: that this group would become a community not just about ME and my work, but about ALL OF US, where we could each share our joys, our fears, our accomplishments, our failures, our hopes, and our needs. I wanted and prayed that this group would be what the Church is supposed to be–a place of unity and edification.

It’s now been a year since the group got off the ground with its first members–hilariously, two different young women named Hannah. 😉 I know I talked a bit a few months ago about how the community aspect of P&P had blessed me in amazing ways, but in light of our 1-year anniversary, I wanted to give a special shout-out to this amazing group of amazing, ordinary women who have become a part of my daily life and true friends.

We’re now 30 strong. Nearly all of the members are active either in the email group, in the Marco Polo app, or both. Their support has, from a purely financial standpoint, given me the freedom to say “yes” to some new writing projects. They’ve given me feedback on story ideas, made suggestions for my next biblical fiction with Guideposts, prayed me through exhaustion and cheered me on to deadline after deadline. Those who join at the Peer level get the first signed copies of my books as they release, and the Patron level gets any digital versions that I have the right to share, as happened with Shadowed Loyalty. We have special P&P tea parties for each release–the busiest Zoom parties I’ve ever hosted! We even had a retreat in October, in Georgia, where five of us (a few others had to cancel last minute due to sickness) got together for some creative pursuits, good food, and fun conversation each evening. It was such a great time that they made me promise it would become an annual event.

But it’s so much more than that. This group has become family. One of our members, Caroline, put it nicely a few weeks ago when she said, “You know, I think this group is so amazing because we’re just doing life together. We share the everyday things, you know?” I do. This is exactly why we’ve become such good friends so quickly–because we share the minutia, we share each prayer need and joy, we reminisce together, we read together, we show each other our pets and homes and land and families. We see each other’s children, hear them calling in the background of the video chat app. We talk about frustrations wtih work, concerns for our spouses, exchange funny bad date stories. We pray each other through sickness and share the thoughts we’ve had in our devotional readings that day or week. We share our vulnerabilities and are, in response, strengthened by each other.

We are the Church, living out its mandate to love each other and edify each other. And what I love so, so much, is that the other ladies have said over and again that their experience is just like mine–that they think about each other constantly throughout the day, praying for the needs and wondering about outcomes. That they linger over the insights others have shared and come to new discoveries in their own faith because of it. That they know that this group will be there, will support them, will love them through each trial. We can disagree on things, and that’s fine. Earnest conversation is fun and uplifting. We can cry with each other. We can laugh with each other. We send each other care packages and Christmas cards and hop on to the email or MP app in odd moments when we can’t sleep or are so excited about something or are in desperate need of prayer.

It was only a few weeks after one of the earlier members, Pam, joined that she put words to what we’d all been thinking but hadn’t yet said, “There’s something really special about this group.” She’s right. There is.

I’m still in awe of what my humble idea for Patrons & Peers has become…and I’m humbled each and every time they say, “Roseanna, thank you so much for starting this group!” They call it my obedience to God. They say that He knew they needed this, and that because I listened, we now have this group of friends and family that has so quickly become so important. It felt like a pretty big risk to me at the time. What if no one joined? What if no one found any value in it? What if it just sounded like money-grubbing? Why would anyone want to do this? But I did take the risk, and…wow. God did know. He knew that we all longed for this kind of community, and He gave us all the bravery and boldness to accept it when it was offered. He helped us all to open our hearts in vulnerability to each other.

And now not a day goes by that my family doesn’t hear me saying, “Lynn said… Pam told us this story… Candice shared… Caroline makes… Deanna’s mother-in-law… Betty’s husband… Danielle’s latest book…” and so on. We’ve learned from each other. We’ve helped each other. We’ve earned mentions in each others’ Christmas letters. 😉 Our members have been meeting up when travel takes them near each other. We share recipes and book recommendations and send each other cards and gifts. It’s just…amazing. It’s community. It’s family.

As always, the invitation to join the group remains open to whoever else feels the stirring of the Lord to accept that invitation. You can find the page with full explanation of “official benefits” here. You can read my initial post about it here. You can read my musings on the wonder of our community here. And of course, you can see what a few of the members have to say. Because they are what truly make this group worth joining.