by Roseanna White | Dec 10, 2015 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
How do you inspire generosity in your kids?
This is a question I’m asking myself a lot lately. Because while one of my children would give up absolutely anything to help someone else, the other is hard pressed to ever think about giving. Or want to give, even when it’s not remotely sacrificial.
So this is my question to you, who may have already dealt with this. How do I inspire my children to generosity?
I certainly can’t force them. Pretty sure if I make my children act selflessly, it would backfire. I’m trying to take opportunities in daily life to talk about the importance of giving (a popular topic this time of year). Of service. Of thinking of others.
It’s not sinking in, thus far.
I thought we’d try something in the spirit of Christmas and asked the kids to pick out gifts for their friends and cousins. This sort of worked, until this particular child told me what fun it was…because they knew they’d get to play with them at the friends’ and cousins’ house. (Le sigh) (And yes, writer-me was deliberately using “they” to refer to a singular person, because I want to avoid gender here in referencing my kiddo, LOL.)
I’m stumped. And giving it a lot of prayer. Because while I’m fine with kids being kids and would love to be assured that this is a phase children grow out of, I’m not willing to be one of those parents that waves off behavioral or moral issues using that excuse. But I’m also not remotely a tiger-mom type that will be an iron fist enforcing exactly what I deem necessary. Trying to strike a balance here, and I could definitely use some thoughts from you guys.
Have you ever noticed a decidedly selfish bent to one of your kids? How did you address it? Did it worry you?
I’m not gnawing at my nails in anxiety here or anything, but I do believe it’s my responsibility as a parent to foster virtues in my kids. Some come to them naturally, a part of their personality. Others are more difficult. Have you noticed that?
So what do we, as parents seeking to raise God-honoring children who love Him from the depths of their hearts, not just by rote, do to foster those good traits that they’re lacking?
I’d love to hear what you’ve found that works, either with generosity or other lessons in virtue that a child may have struggled with!
by Roseanna White | Dec 3, 2015 | Thoughtful Thursdays
It’s officially the advent season. The time of year when decorations are everywhere you turn, where cheerful lights proclaim Christmas around the corner, where you expect smiles from your fellow man and sales in the stores and happy greetings to be upon lips.
The season where, in recent years, everyone finds something to . . . complain about.
Yep. Let’s face it. This has become a season of glaring at one’s fellow man as often as smiling at him.
I honestly have no idea where the chain of offenses began. Were people who don’t celebrate Christmas offended at storekeepers wishing them a happy one? Is that why some of the big stores dispensed with “Merry Christmas” and opted for “Happy Holidays”? I don’t know.
But I do know this. My job as a Christian is to save my offense for matters of sin. Of ungodliness. Of things that endanger the soul. And a non-Christian not celebrating the day of Christ’s birth isn’t one of those. Honestly, it’s kind of right, isn’t it? We shouldn’t get offended at non-Christians not celebrating Christmas. If anything, we should get offended at how many do, and then twist the meaning. But I digress…
My job is not to get all up in arms over a greeting. Or, heaven forbid, a coffee cup. (I mean seriously?) I’m not going to get offended at schools calling it Winter Break. I’m not.
For me, this decision came easily when I was a sophomore in college, working at an insurance agency after school. We sent out a lot of mail and had a printing scale to apply the postage to it. We could choose our postmark, and around this time of year, we chose one that said, “Happy Holidays.” Why? Because we had Jewish clients, and we wanted to respect them.
I have no problem with that.
What’s more, we used that stamp for nearly two months–beginning in mid-November through January. Guess what–that covers more than just Christmas. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years…not to mention Hanukkah or Kwanzaa (which still baffles me, but let’s not go there…) were all included.
I’m 100% cool with that. I always thought that was part of the fun of this time of year–the multiple holidays we get to celebrate. So why do so many Christians get offended at “Happy Holidays”?
I don’t know, but the joke’s kinda on the users who think they’re stripping the time of year of religious meaning, isn’t it? Holiday literally means “holy day.” Holy. As in, hallowed, sacred, dedicated to God. (Didn’t know you’d get a bonus Word of the Week, did ya?) 😉 Tell me, why should that offend a Christian?
There is plenty in this world, and in this season, to be offended by. I’m offended by the mass commercialism that has taken it over. I’m offended that people think gifts are more important than Christ. I’m offended that
Santa Claus has been so distorted that he’s seen as a pagan elf rather than who he truly was–a saint dedicated to giving in Christ’s name.
But I will not be offended by:
* Happy Holidays (holy days are by definition days given to God. So yeah. Wish me happy holidays.)
* Santa Claus in principle (because I know his true story, and it’s inspiring. Read this blog I wrote last year if you’re not familiar with the amazing early church tradition of St. Nicholas)
* Red cups (I mean, really.)
* Snowflakes, penguins, etc. decorations (because, yo, folks–it’s winter. I’m not offended at fall leaf decorations either. Or flowers in the spring.)
* Schools calling it Winter Break (because it is, and while it’s Christmas break for many, it isn’t for all. I’m okay with that.)
Yep, there is plenty in the world to get upset about. But as Christians, we’re supposed to answer to a higher standard. Let’s not get riled at the world acting like the world, or even at the world not taking part in what is supposed to be our holiday.
Let’s save our offense for where it counts.
by Roseanna White | Nov 19, 2015 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
It’s been an ugly week. A terrible week. My heart and prayers have dwelt much with the people of Paris after the horrible attacks. My heart is heavy that so many have tried to use it as a platform for their own agenda. I won’t be one of those. I just want to talk today about all that evil in the world.
And how we can fight it.
Terrorism is evil. I’m positing that as an axiom, so if you disagree with that general statement, then don’t bother reading on.
Terrorism is evil, and those who commit it have let that evil dwell in them, which makes them by extension evil as well. Not beyond redemption, but so committed to their cause that they are unlikely to hear opposing views.
Terrorists, then, are evil. And they are committed. And as people committed to evil, they will work hard to achieve their goals. They will find ways in. They will plot. They will plan.
But their plan isn’t just to kill–it’s to terrorize. That’s part of the definition, right? That they are trying to instill terror into a people group. Not just to hurt and kill them, but to make those who are unharmed fearful. To make them quake. To make them hate them back.
Wait, what?
No, I didn’t mistype. Think about it. If these people are working for evil, let’s examine what we know about the ultimate Evil. It too has a goal–to steal, to kill, to destroy. And to turn hearts away from God. What turns hearts away from God?
Hatred. Unforgiveness. Bitterness. Fear.
If terrorists can make good people hate Muslims, then they’re happy–because they’re polarizing the world. They’re ending peace, even where war hasn’t been officially declared. They’re convincing endless nations to greet with hate anyone from the Middle East, which will only help them in their efforts to radicalize more young people. “Look,” they’ll say, “how the West treats us. Look how they hate us.”
I will not hate them.
I will not fear them.
Are the radicals out there, planning ways to sneak into Europe and America? Absolutely. Will they take advantage of the flood of refugees? Absolutely. If the refugees are forbidden entrance to a country, will the radicals find another way in? Absolutely.
So how do we react? Do we lock down our borders? Do we pick up our weapons? Do we declare every Muslim the enemy?
I pray, with everything within me, that we do not.
Eighty years or so ago, there was an evil regime in control of a country. It perpetrated unspeakable evil. It terrorized an entire continent into subjugation. It killed. It raped. It mutilated. It convinced its youth that it was right to do so. And anyone who didn’t agree was either killed or forced out.
I have some German blood in me. Does that mean I’m evil by association? Does it mean people were right to distrust any German Americans during WWII? Were we right to force Japanese Americans into internment camps during the war?
I hope you think the answer is “no.” But just think, for a moment, how afraid that generation was. How they said, “We’re just protecting our country.”
Now fast-forward to this regime in Syria who is killing or forcing out millions of its own citizens who don’t agree with its beliefs or politics. These people are already victims–and now they’re facing a world who will blanket them with hatred, because they fear that one of those evil people–the very people who beheaded their friends and blew up their neighbor’s car and burned down their house–might be hidden among them.
This is what our generation will be judged for. How do we respond to this crisis? This tragedy?
We don’t defeat terror by reacting from fear or anger or hatred. That is how they win. They steal our peace, they steal our security . . . and they steal the love from our very hearts.
We have to be wise. Absolutely. While we’re praying, we would do well to pray that those in authority have discernment. We don’t want to be responsible for bringing in those few evil ones. But we also don’t want to be responsible for destroying the innocent. We don’t want to be responsible for hating an entire group of people because of what a mutual enemy has done. We don’t want to step on a slippery-slope of blanket judgment that leads us to become the villain in our effort to protect ourselves. But that is a possibility. We have decisions before us, and some of them would lead us to committing terrible sins in the name of security.
But other paths lead to millions of people hearing the truth about God. Seeing how He loves them. Seeing what it really means to be a Christian. To be part of a faith that isn’t founded on killing, like parts of Islam are, but on sacrificing for the salvation of others.
My Jesus didn’t kill his enemies. He died for them.
He didn’t hate them. He loved them.
This isn’t a question of how the nation will respond. It’s a question of how you will. Will you hate, or will you love? Will you fear . . . or will you trust in Him?
by Roseanna White | Nov 12, 2015 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
I have two shoeboxes sitting in my living room, waiting for next week when I’ll drop them off at a local church, and they’ll begin their long journey to children in need. Children who, so the websites say, may never have gotten a gift before. Children who have never celebrated Christmas, not in a way we’d recognize.
All the advice I read said to gear those boxes toward specific things. Things like flashlights and batteries. A shirt. Candy (that won’t melt). A toy–but no stuffed animals, as those terrify young children in many of the countries the shoeboxes go to, and are boring to the kids old enough not to be scared. Things like toothbrushes and combs and ponytail holders.
These are the things that will delight these children.
I look around my house, and I see so many things. And I realize anew how blessed we are in this country . . . and how the blessing has turned to the norm. And how the norm is not only taken for granted, but turned into something that can be used against us. Because we get so hung up on things. We spend so much time, effort, and money on them. We think that’s what makes holidays bright, what makes our kids happy, what we have to give to each other to prove our affection.
I look at all the things . . . and I wonder. I wonder at this world we live in.
My kids don’t have to fear wild animals–so they can call them cute and ask for toys that show them with big eyes and baby faces.
My kids don’t know what it means to go hungry–so candy is no rare thing.
My kids have so many toys they can lose one and not even notice.
My kids have so many clothes that one shirt means next to nothing to them.
My kids have never had to brush their teeth or wash their hair at a river.
My kids may have wants, but they have no real needs.
We’re blessed. Yes. Absolutely. And we’re also, in so many ways, blinded to some key truths. I’m not sure any of us really understand what things mean anymore. They’re not often special. They’re easily replaced.
Yet they’re still our language.
I look at the things in my house, and I think about the difference between survival and luxury. And suddenly I can understand a little better the clerics of old who took a vow of poverty.
Because things are so loud. And the voice of God is so soft.
Which one are we listening to throughout our day?
by Roseanna White | Nov 5, 2015 | Thoughtful Thursdays
My husband came home one evening a while back with quite a story to tell. He’d met a friend of ours at a local Christian restaurant–a blatantly Christian restaurant, mind you, with a Christian name and which is decorated with nothing but Christian art. They were sitting there having some iced tea on one end of the restaurant, when from the other end came a scream, and an older gentleman began convulsing, falling from his chair. His daughter was crying, “Daddy, don’t leave me! Don’t leave me!”
David and our friend jumped out of their chairs and rushed over to help.
They were the first ones there. From the complete opposite end of the restaurant, with a couple dozen others between them and this man, and they were the first ones there.
Were they trained in how to help in a medical emergency? Um, no. But they did the best the could, easing him down so he didn’t hit his head, making sure his airway was clear. Our friend called for the owner to call 911. David tried to keep the daughter calm, then went out to meet the EMTs. Our friend stayed with the man. Prayed for the man.
One other person in the restaurant came over to help. One.
One.
No one else asked if he was okay. If they could help. No one got up to pray with our friend. David’s words were, “They just kept buttering their bread.”
How many times have we all heard the story of The Good Samaritan? How many times have we thought, “Well obviously I’d help”?
Yet here was a restaurant full of presumed Christians, and only 3 got off their rears to do something when someone was collapsing on the floor. Part of me thinks I should be angry about this. But mostly, I’m sad.
We’re not like some of the people we’ve seen in those terrible police-shooting videos, where they just stand there filming while someone’s shot or beaten, even cheering them on. But even if we want to help, too often we don’t. Why?
Because the church is so afraid. And the people are rendered paralyzed. Maybe people think they’ll get in trouble if they try to help but don’t know how–if that’s so, let me assure you that there are Good Samaritan laws protecting you. Maybe those people had thought, “Well someone’s already up…” But haven’t they also heard “Where two or three are gathered in My name…?”
No, we’re not comfortable with the idea of helping in a situation where we’re not qualified. But so often in a situation like that, no one is qualified. What then? Does God expect us to just sit back? No. I daresay the Good Samaritan wasn’t a board-certified physician. But the Lord still expects us to do what we can. And to bombard heaven with our prayers. To put down our bread and butter and storm the gates of heaven on behalf of our brethren.
Sooner or later we’ll all probably find ourselves in a situation similar to this one. Not exact, probably, but similar.
A situation where we can either help or not.
Get up or not.
So the question is…what do you do?
by Roseanna White | Oct 22, 2015 | Thoughtful Thursdays, Uncategorized
In my circles, we hear about the refugees flooding Europe from Syria and the Middle East, driven out by ISIS, and we’re horrified. We want to help. We want to learn more.
I was a bit surprised to realize that the opinion of my circle wasn’t the norm (though I guess I shouldn’t have been). Scrolling randomly through Facebook one day showed me that most people’s opinions are that this is just another ISIS tactic to infiltrate the world–that the refugees are terrorists in disguise, not to be trusted, not to be helped. Or that even if many aren’t, it’s not our problem. We have an immigrant problem of our own, I saw one lady say on a friend’s post. We need to deal with our own issues before we go taking on theirs.
That, my friend, is a dangerous, dangerous philosophy. That, if you carry it out in all aspects of your life, is an excuse for turning a blind eye to any problem–because seriously, when will we not have something to deal with already? Does that mean you let every other atrocity go on, unchecked?
Last week, my husband and father were in Bulgaria, and they went to the refugee camp there to interview some of the refugees. Do you know what they found?
They found people who just want respect, who want to be treated as people, not as a disease. They saw people who manage to smile and joke and talk of their hope of going home, even while they admit that they still have family in Syria, and they haven’t heard from them in months, don’t know whether they’re alive or dead.
These people said over and again, “Syria is beautiful. Syria is wonderful. Syria is even better than the United States. Until DASH [the local name for ISIS] we all lived in peace. We all helped one another. Of course I want to go home. As soon as it’s safe, I’ll be there. We’ll rebuild.”
I’m not sure Americans understand that–that these people aren’t fleeing by choice, aren’t trying to find a new life in Europe or America or anywhere else in the world. They’re just trying to survive, to help their children to survive. Their goal isn’t to stay in those countries to which they flee, it’s just to earn a living there until they can go home. That’s the ultimate goal–to go home, to a place they swear is the best place in the world.
Are there terrorists trying to take advantage of this? There are. Bad people will always try to take advantage of the hardships of others. But those people will find ways in no matter what. To those who live in fear of that, I say this:
41 “Then
He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you
cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’
44 “Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” (Matthew 25)
When I stand before God, I don’t want Him judging me for the thousands of innocents I chose not to help for fear of the few evil men among them. When I stand before God, I don’t want to be on the left hand, begging and pleading and saying, “But Lord, I might have helped an enemy by mistake!”
I think He has an answer to that, don’t you? Love your enemy. Pray for those who persecute you . . . if your enemy is hungry, give him food. If he is thirsty, give him drink.
Already there are stories coming out of terrorists who were trying to do what we fear . . . but who, being met by the love of Christians in the camps, changed their minds. Because never had they seen such love, and they couldn’t deny it.
Christianity has an opportunity here–to show the world what it really means to serve a loving God. A merciful God. A God who loves you so much that He would make the ultimate sacrifice. That’s a love that changes people. That’s a love that changes the world.
Are we willing to Shine that love into the darkness? Or do we turn our faces away and pretend the darkness can’t reach us here?
Over the next few months, I’ll be sharing opportunities as they become available–opportunities to support those ministering to the camps, and hopefully to take some more active roles too.
And if you’d like to see more of what my husband and father did last week, you can listen to their presentation to our church this coming Saturday, October 24, at 11 a.m. We’ll be broadcasting the service here: FGSDB Live Stream
Please, please join us in praying for the thousands of displaced Syrians. Pray for their safety. Pray for their provisions. Pray for their hearts and souls.
If by chance you’re ready to give right now, you can donate through our not-for-profit organization, the Appalachian Relief Mission. Just put a note that it’s for the refugees–we’ll be sending money to our contacts at the camp in Bulgaria (the poorest country in the EU, just FYI). https://www.paypal.me/anarmoutstretched
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.