When it comes to how we spend our time, there are good ways and bad ways, right? There are things that we deem worthwhile uses of our time . . . and things we deem not worthwhile.

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve had a couple conversations with my best friend about what’s worthwhile–for our kids, for ourselves. Most recently, the conversation involved me giving her a pep talk, not unlike other times when she’s had to give pretty much the same pep talk to me. 😉 After coming off a very serious project, the next thing on our list sometimes feels, well . . . silly. Inconsequential. Nearly selfish.

And we struggle with guilt over spending time on it, because does it really matter?

Obviously, the answer to this might be different based on what that project is. But in general, if it’s something we’ve already laid out for ourselves, there’s a reason behind it. Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that there are different types of useful. There’s ministering to the homeless on the streets, and there’s reading to kids at a school. Both are good. Both are worthwhile. Both can really impact a life. But one’s a bit harder, right? That doesn’t mean the other is less valuable. Worth less. It’s just different. And at different times in our lives, we might need that different type of service.

But we’d also been talking about this as it has to do with our kids, and the things they like to spend their time on. I have to think this is something most modern parents debate.

Are video games okay? YouTube videos? Television? Social media? How much is too much? What is worthwhile?

I admit to quite a bit of frustration on this topic. Because I have these ideas of what’s worthwhile, what’s okay, what’s useful to my kids. Reading, obviously. Outside time. Extracurricular activities. A little TV’s okay. 

My children don’t always agree.

It’s been a struggle, sometimes. But I have to say that what made me look at it from a different perspective was when someone else commented on the same thing I’d whined about before. (Yes, I’m one of those people who tend to think, “I can chastise my kids for what they’re doing wrong, but you don’t get to. That’s my job, not yours.” LOL) When someone else commented on the uselessness of the YouTube videos my son likes to watch, I found myself coming to the defence, not just of Rowyn for watching them, but of the whole phenomenon. These young people have found a way to create a new medium. They’ve made ridiculous amounts of money providing something that kids today enjoy–basically, videos of themselves playing games.

Do I understand it? Not exactly. But . . . isn’t that what an awful lot of TV is too? Reality shows in particular. Those have become pretty darn accepted by the masses. But the same person who can’t miss an episode of their favorite might snarl at the so-dubbed YouTubers. Is that fair, though? Just because it’s not the medium you prefer, does that mean it’s worse? Nope. I really think they deserve a lot of kudos for creating something that has really struck a chord with today’s youth. And it’s a lot more “real” in a lot of ways than reality TV. They’re showing their failures and struggles as well as their victories. Maybe in something “silly” like a video game–but those are still life lessons, right? That sometimes to achieve your goal, you have to try it over and over again. You fail. You go back to the beginning. And you keep trying.

And what about the thing I love best–fiction? Is that really any different? How often have people sneered at popular fiction? Romance? At fiction rather than non-fiction? A LOT. And they’ve been sneering for hundreds of years. The thing I love has been deemed not-worthwhile by a lot of people. So maybe…maybe I ought to be careful about what I judge to be not-worthwhile.

In college, someone once asked me, “Why do you always have a novel with you?” My answer was, “Because I value my sanity.” To me, that Love Inspired novel was absolutely worthwhile. It was necessary to my mental health. Reading Christian Fiction provided a much-needed counterbalance to all the heavy philosophy I had to read for school. Plenty of people didn’t think it was worthwhile.

But I knew better.

So how does that translate for this new generation? What things that I don’t understand are not just okay but are necessary for their sanity, their development in this world I’ve helped create? Well, for starters, they really do need to be savvy with the screens. Unless something apocalyptic happens, they’re going to be using them even more than I do.

Next, I need to grant that their favorite YouTube channels aren’t any less inane than the TV I spent my weekends watching as a kid. (I’m sorry, but mutated adolescent turtles and singing raisins aren’t exactly brilliant things either, LOL.)

And finally, I just need to pray that their own life’s callings, their passions, will somehow be fed by the media at their fingertips. My love of what some would call “silly romance novels” has led me to my ministry, my career, my calling. Who’s to say what my kids might be led to?

Is this something that you struggle with in your family?

This is indisputable fact. I’m writing 6 books in 18 months, I homeschool my kids, I do much of the day-to-day running of WhiteFire Publishing, I design book covers and interior layouts, I cook, I (occasionally) clean, I knit, I’m pianist at my church, I’m a ballet mom, and I teach a class pretty much every semester at our homeschool association. There are days when I’m just so exhausted it’s all I can do to think.

But it’s funny, right? I look back at where I was, say, seven years ago. Only one of my kids needed to be taught. I was working on my first book that would be published by someone else. WhiteFire was only two or three authors other than me. I did no design work. Xoe had just started ballet, so it was only one night a week (now it’s two). We didn’t do Bible study yet at our church. I had no responsibilities in our homeschool group. My house was more of a mess than it is now, and we more often ate canned soup for dinner.

And I felt so overwhelmed. I’m talking, break down in tears because I felt like I couldn’t do it all overwhelmed. My constant prayer was that God would expand my time. That He’d refresh me because I was so drained. That somehow He would do it all for me, because I didn’t think I could.

That’s a familiar refrain in the world. I can’t tell you how many times I hear someone say, “Oh, I could never ______.” Fill in the blank.

I could never homeschool.

I could never write a book.

I could never work from home.

I could never work outside the home.

I could never go into foreign missions.

I could never give that up.

I could never take that on.

I could never . . .

And it’s true, you know? We can’t just do everything. Especially not on our own. But with friends, with family, with our churches, and most importantly, with God, we can be equipped to do exactly what He calls us to do. No more…but no less.

But how often do we let our fears, insecurities, and laziness interfere with that call? How often do we give up on or not even attempt to do that thing God has whispered in our ear because we don’t think we can?

Back when Xoe was in kindergarten, I was seriously considering giving up on this whole homeschool thing. I didn’t think I could anymore. I couldn’t write and teach and take care of a toddler all at the same time. That was that time of overwhelming, when it was all so much, so heavy, that I was just exhausted by it.

Around that time, we had a healing service at our church, led by a Spirit-filled couple visiting from another church in our association. I remember slipping into a pew at the back of the church–so I could slip out again with my toddler if necessary. There weren’t a lot of people there–maybe 15 or 20. I didn’t want to draw attention. But I knew I needed something. I wasn’t sick, but I was tired. Still, I didn’t want to take the time of these guests when there were people there so desperate for a healing touch and me…I was okay. I was fine. I was getting along.

But the husband of the couple came back and slid into the pew in front of me and turned to face me. I’ll never forget what he said. “You don’t need a healing. But you need…something. Right? Refreshing?”

I’m not one for tears, but they filled my eyes at that moment, and I nodded. “I feel so overwhelmed,” I said.

So he prayed for me. He prayed that God would shore me up, that He’d be my strength, that He’d breathe new life into my spirit and refresh me. He sat there for probably ten minutes and talked to me about putting on that Spiritual armor every day–and told me that sometimes wearing it isn’t so we can be on the offensive, but on the defensive. That sometimes he imagines curling up into that armor and hiding in it, as if it’s a turtle shell.

Because when we hide in Him, He takes care of it all.

That evening, something shifted. Maybe I didn’t have a physical illness that needed to be healed, but my spirit needed it. And my spirit received it.

Never, in the intervening seven years, have I ever again felt like I did back then. Oh, I get tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. But only physically and mentally. Never spiritually. Thanks to that shift, I kept on homeschooling…and man. I know my kids would have been fine wherever they got their education, but I can’t even count all the amazing moments we would have missed out on had I given it up when it really wasn’t the time for me to step aside from it!

I didn’t feel capable. And maybe I wasn’t. But He was. He is.

With God fighting our battles for us, we can do whatever He asks. It isn’t easy, but it isn’t supposed to be. The thing is, it’s possible. We become capable, in Him, of doing the things we are not capable of doing by ourselves.

I really can’t tell you what changed that day in that back pew of my church. I can just tell you that the things that exhausted me then are but a portion of my daily tasks now. We get used to burdens until they don’t feel like burdens anymore–that’s part of it. The weight that it took all our effort to lift when we first started our training becomes easy over time if we keep working our muscles, right? The same goes in life. In our tasks. In our callings. In our spiritual lives.

I’m not saying busy is the best state to always be in. And I’m not saying there aren’t still plenty of things that I have to say “No” to or delegate to someone else. I’m certainly no Superwoman.

But we’re never asked to do the things He calls us to alone. We’re just asked to step up, be willing, and follow in His footsteps.