A couple weeks ago, a couple things happened in the course of a few hours that made me pause and think, not just of who I want to be, but of who I don’t want to be.
It started with an author newsletter that came into my inbox a couple days before. In this newsletter, the author in question mentioned a very strong political opinion that I very strongly disagree with, LOL. I believe I said something to my husband along the lines of, “And she’s lost me.”
Then, on the day in question, another newsletter of hers came into my inbox. I scrolled down to the bottom and clicked “unsubscribe,” so of course it took me to the page where you confirm that choice.
And I sat, and I looked at that button, and I thought, “Is this who I want to be? Do I really want to disassociate myself with someone just because we disagree about one particular political stance?”
I stared at the button for a few seconds. And then I closed out that window, leaving my subscription intact. Why?
Because I don’t want to be the kind of person who creates an echo chamber for herself. I don’t want to be the kind of person who just stops listening to people I disagree with about something. Nope. In fact, I want to be the kind of person who seeks out those opinions I don’t always agree with. Because if I don’t hear them, don’t engage with them in my own heart and mind, don’t love them through our disagreements, I run the risk of becoming a two-dimensional, thoughtless bigot.
That’s not who I want to be.
On that same evening, I saw a comment on a post of mine on Instagram in which someone blasted me for becoming Catholic. Now, this was on that post a couple weeks ago about visiting other churches and how I didn’t fully appreciate this until becoming Catholic. I know whenever I post something publicly about this change, that I open myself up for all the “Catholicism is a cult” comments. And I expected it on my blog post here, honestly. Still, I was a bit surprised to see it on Instagram for some reason (don’t ask me why). (For reference, it looks like the commenter deleted her original comment, and hence all our many, many replies to each other, so no point in going to look, LOL.)
Naturally, I saw this comment right before bed, too. Which means that I went to bed wondering if my response was good enough, loving enough, compelling enough. Wondering if I had responded with grace enough to this comment of “I used to read your books, but now I don’t.” I wondered if I’d shown the love of Christ brightly enough.
I got up the next morning, and there was another reply, saying that she hoped I truly did still write for Christ (part of my reply to her), but that Catholicism was still wrong.
Coming up with a reply made me again consider who I want to be…and who I don’t.
I don’t want to be the kind of person who shuts down conversation–ever. I want to be the kind of person who encourages it.
I don’t want to be the kind of person who ignores those who disagree with me. As Dale Carnegie teaches so well in the amazing book How to Win Friends and Influence People*, a gracious reply to an argumentative comment can win friends that neither a caustic reply nor ignoring them can. I have made this my policy–any time I get comments or emails that attack, I do reply–with love and understanding. I first seek to understand their point and where they’re coming from. I want to address any disappointment I have caused. I want to consider their stance. I want to honor the time they’ve taken to reply to me. I want to appreciate them.
I obviously don’t agree when someone says, “Yeah, but you’re still wrong.” But I can grant that they believe it, and that their beliefs are valid. I can appreciate that the parts they’re focusing on have truth to them, even if I’ve been satisfied that they’re parts of a greater truth with more nuance than I think that subject alone conveys. I can even appreciate that they’re so passionate about a given topic that they would go out of their way to comment about it on someone else’s post.
I won’t be the person who dismisses others for their beliefs.
I won’t be the person who lets disagreement tarnish the love that should be at the core of my faith.
I won’t be the person who lets offense lead to broken relationship, even with a veritable stranger.
I won’t be the person who devalues someone because we have different opinions or understandings.
You and I probably agree about a lot. We probably disagree about a little. And you know what? That’s not only fine, that’s good. It’s through disagreement that earnest dialogue is begun. It’s through dialogue that people come to deeper understanding of a topic. It’s through that quest for deeper understanding that we learn more and more about this awesome God we serve. It’s through that deeper understanding of God’s glory that we develop deeper and better love for one another and for the world.
I won’t be the person who chooses hatred or disagreement instead. I will be the person who chooses love.
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Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.
Roseanna, I’ve just recently subscribed to your website but am not new to reading your books. I’m also a writer published in the areas of Christian greeting cards, poems and devotionals. My Dad passed away recently, and we went through a very difficult time. I am caretaker of my 92 year old Mom who requires a lot of care. When I read your books I see two themes throughout them:”Love shows up” and “Improving the quality of life for people.” Barclay Pearce is a prime example of illustrating those themes. When times have been so bad for me that my only prayer could be “God I need help!” I have found comfort in your books by seeing that your characters had much bigger problems than mine and realizing how “Love showed up.” God showed up for the people. So it’s not a matter of being Catholic or Protestant, Evangelical or Non-denominational etc.etc.etc. It’s a matter of showing God’s heart to your readers. Thank you for using your gift to the Glory of God. God Bless You.
Amen to that! And I love that you’ve pulled those themes out of books!
Very much appreciate you, and thank you for sharing this!
My wife reads your books and sends me your blog posts lol
While I can’t agree with your denominational affiliation, I can understand the reasons you are drawn to it. I think the same thing would appeal to me as well. I was raised to “guard the doctrine” too well though 😀 For me, what matters isn’t what is attractive to me, but what the Bible teaches is true.
That doesn’t change how beautiful your writing is though! You’re the 2nd writer to have written some of my absolute most favorite books and then have me find out years later that we don’t share the same theology. What I appreciate is that your writing shows characters genuinely seeking to follow God. I actually just gave out The Lost Heiress a couple nights ago. That means that #1 in three different series of yours are currently loaned out to friends because I highly recommended them! I hope they all find them as beautiful as I do!
There are many many many books that get read by me. I devour books. In January, I read 23 different books. And there are many many books that I re-read. There are many books I would call favorites, many books I would recommend based on someone’s personal preferences. But only a handful of books get called, “beautiful”. Yours are in that rare category. Please keep writing beautiful books that have characters going directly to the Lord and His Word to find wisdom on how to live!
Thank you so much! So glad you enjoy my stories! <3 (And I was taught to guard the doctrine too! And as I love to say...my affiliation changed, but my theology hasn't. 😉 )
Well done. Well written. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your Catholic faith. I did not know this; how amazing! I am also Catholic and seeing other Catholics proclaim their faith is amazing and always makes me feel less alone. I’m sorry the anti-Catholicism found you…unfortunately common and one of the few remaining socially-acceptable prejudices that exist today. Would love to see more future CF Catholic characters or characters who are struggling with this prejudice. Thank you for sharing!
Abigail, have you checked out Chrism Press? We actually teamed up with some friends while we were still Protestant to start a Catholic fiction imprint, LOL. And given that my next books are set in 1940s France, more Catholic characters are coming in those too! And no worries…it was actually the anti-Catholicism folks that inspires us to look into it and led us onto this path. 😉
I stay away from politics with my writing, although some readers dtd not like how I presented FDR in my Pearl Harbor book I have never had anyone come down on me for being Catholic I am Catholic and if some one does not like it that is their problem. I unsubscribed one person over some horrible political comments that promoted violence. I am happy with who I am, and I try and live up to God’s commandments. Life is to short to battle other people’s feelings.
Wow, I’m on the one hand surprised someone was so vocal about a historical president…but then again, not really surprised at all, LOL. Our culture does so enjoy being offended and outraged, doesn’t it? But you’re absolutely right about it not being worth it to try to battle other people’s feelings. Always a losing battle anyway!
As a Christ follower, I roo try to be the kind of person to listen and not need to agree with every friend. Whether Catholic or non-denominational or whatever, Christ calls us to be His light in this dark world. I’m so glad I can count in you in this corner.
I love your books! Mostly love your sweet heart! Your in my prayers, keep doing is so well.
Amen to our call to be the light! And while Maglights make great clubs, that should NOT be how we treat the Light of Christ! 😉 Thank you so much for those prayers!
This was encouraging to me! Thank you for sharing! I struggle with discussion, especially on social media, because I so very much want to show the love of Christ but don’t want to get dragged into the ugliness that seems so rampant every time I try to engage. So, more often than not, I’m silent. And I’ve been convicted of that and have been praying that the Spirit would use me to discuss better.
And, for the record, although I don’t feel that I could reconcile my personal convictions in such a way as to convert to Catholicism myself, I would never hesitate to recommend your books to someone who wants to see the gospel displayed in messy, hard, real-life sorts of scenarios because you write it all so well! You reflect Christ and His truth so beautifully in your writing, and it leaves me without any doubt that you are a true sister in Christ, serving the same God but choosing to worship Him a little differently. I am so thankful for you and for the way you use your talent to glorify Him in such amazing and beautiful ways!
Ann, social media can be SO TRICKY! With you there. “Don’t argue with memes on Facebook” is a chant I have to repeat many times daily, LOL. I’ll engage on my OWN posts but will not comment on other people’s just to disagree with them. Occasionally I’ll share something I’ve learned, but more often than not, it just doesn’t accomplish anything. So my personal rule is “If it doesn’t edify, keep it to yourself.” <3 And thank you so much for that encouragement!
Roseanna, as usual, your writing is thoughtful and so good. Your remarks about Catholicism are exactly right. Your sincere reaction to the posts are proof of your giant heart, and I continue to learn so much from you. So glad I found your books!
Thank you so much, Kerry!
I found your post to be interesting. I must have missed the post about you deciding to become Catholic. I would love to hear your thought process. How did you reconcile the major differences between what the Bible teaches and the dogma of the Catholic Church? We have many friends in our Bible church who are enjoying the grace Jesus gives by being freed from the tyranny of a works based belief system. To be honest, I am stymied but look forward to hearing how this major change came about.
Hi, Linda! I’d be so happy to talk about it! Most of the “problems” I was taught to find with Catholicism are more misinterpretation of Catholic beliefs than genuine problems, honestly. Especially when one considers that the council that canonized the Bible did, in fact, already have the basic dogmas still held by the Catholic church today…which means the Bible was CHOSEN to be HARMONIOUS with dogma, which is just teaching and interpretation, which we call Tradition. Scripture and Tradition are meant to go hand in hand, and Paul even says as much, when he instructs people to obey the teachings given in person AND the Scripture and Epistles. The Catholic Church does, in fact, teach that salvation comes through grace…but we also believe that true faith is worked out in an ongoing manner that results in “good works.” Which is to say, faith bears fruit, and we ought to be able to know each other by those fruits. This is also Scriptural, and James’s letter is a prime example of that. Any teaching can seem tyrannical, however, when people view it as something imposed upon them rather than freely chosen. And we have probably all been guilty of missing key points of things we were raised in or have come to take for granted. If you have specific questions or concerns, email may be the better venue, since comments get rather loooong for a blog, LOL. Please feel free to email me at roseannamwhite at gmail dot com though!
I love all of this! I’m working too be this way as well. I will say, though, that an author shouldn’t be using their newsletter to make political statements, lol. That is s death knell in these days! I welcome discussions on those topics (I’m currently engaged in discussion on a Facebook post with a college friend about some ongoing drama at out alma mater because we have some differing views), but i do think people in any sort of Christian leadership should refrain from making political statements simply because politics are so divisive and we, as the church, need to be united, regardless of where we fall in the political spectrum. I’m sorry to hear you’ve gotten such backlash from your church change as well. I’ve enjoyed your insights as it relates to catholicism personally. I don’t anticipate ever making the switch myself, but I’ve loved getting your perspective on certain beliefs and traditions.
I am 100% with you on not talking politics as an author! It’s actually the first thing I stress in my marketing classes, LOL. “Unless you write political commentaries, do NOT talk politics in public! It’s a guaranteed way to offend half of your readership!” Because while we all tend to agree on end goals, we never agree on how to get there. Such is life. 😉
Glad you enjoy my talk about Catholicism though! I never thought I’d make the change either, LOL, but God had other ideas. 😉 I’ve ALWAYS enjoyed learning about the various branches of Christianity though. There’s so much we can learn from each other!