I believe in Good. I believe in Evil. I believe in absolute truth. I believe that sometimes we land firmly on one side or another of this virtually-eternal war…but only sometimes. I believe that more often than not, we are still in the position of Adam and Eve, standing with that forbidden fruit in our hands. We are still created in the image of God. We are still filled largely with His Goodness. But we’ve let evil in.

The question is…are we letting it reign?

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I recently started listening to the audio version of a really enlightening book, The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt. In it, the authors are examining the recent trend of “safe places” and “fragility” of college students and using scientific research to show why it’s harmful and offer solutions to it.

The authors begin by laying out three untruths they want to expose and refute. I do highly recommend this book, especially to anyone with a child or grandchild of the “internet” generation–it’s led our family to institute some changes! But I’m not going to just talk about the book. I’m rather going to take one of the untruths they name and examine it spiritually rather than academically. The untruth in question:

Let me say again: I believe in Good and Evil. The kind with capitals. But still, with my logic engaged, I could hear that statement and immediately know that it was wrong.

Why?

Because of the use of the word people, first of all. And then because if you were to accept that statement as true, you’d have to rely on feelings to determine right and wrong, and we all know how fickle and often wrong our feelings can be.

But let’s look at that statement. Good people versus evil people. We know, intellectually, that this is wrong, don’t we? We have to grant that it is when we consider some of Christianity’s greatest heroes and, indeed, founding fathers. Paul. He was first a Christian-hunter. One eager to kill the “good people”, which by definition makes him the enemy.

If we call our enemy evil, that means he’s beyond redemption. Fully in the grasp of the ultimate Evil One. That he has bound his will to Satan’s.

Was this the case for Paul? Obviously not. God saw what human eyes certainly did not. God saw that Paul in fact wanted to seek the Good, but was laboring under a false opinion about what Good really was. He was earnestly seeking God and God’s will…but his feelings on what God’s will was happened to be wrong. God righted him. And we ended up with The Apostle.

This doesn’t happen with every enemy of God. But it happens with a shocking number of them. The why and how are certainly important, especially because it’s often through these “enemies” seeing the love of God at work in His people. But what I really want to focus on today isn’t whether they ever change.

It’s how we view them, even when we remain on opposite sides.

We can’t force change on them. But we can control our own feelings and actions in relation to them.

I cannot begin to count how many times in recent years I’ve heard people of opposing views label the others as evil or worst person ever or monster just because they don’t agree with them. It’s a natural stance to take, honestly. If you’re not us, then you’re them. And if you’re them, then you are on the Wrong Side. And more often than not, you’re there because of emotion, so logic will never convince you to join the Right Side. Therefore, you are beyond help unless God himself steps in (bring it on, God! Strike them blind and set them straight!).

Am I right?

But this is so, so hurtful. Not just to Them. But to Us. Whichever “us” that might be. Maybe it means Christians. Maybe it means Americans. Maybe it means Republicans or Democrats, Liberal or Conservative. Maybe it means a particular race. Or a particular gender. Or a proponent of a particular view or belief.

Whatever the label we embrace, when we embrace it, we exclude from our love anyone who doesn’t belong to the same camp. Seriously, this is another scientifically-proven fact. Humanity is tribal–our brains are wired to feel more empathy, sympathy, and care for those like us. But it doesn’t matter how they’re like us. We can make the distinction over something important, like faith, or something trivial, like the color T-shirt we’re wearing. But once the groups have been made and we’ve been told we’re part of it, MRIs show spikes that demonstrate sympathetic emotions for that group far more than any other. We want to belong. And when we do, we guard that belonging with ferocity.

This helps us survive, helps civilization grow, helps a tribe, then a town, then a city, then a nation to form. But once you get into a large group–like this huge country of ours, filled with such diversity–it becomes too big for us. We start breaking down into smaller factions. Anyone remember that unity for the first week or two after 9/11? It was shocking. We were, for the first time in decades, American before anything else. But it didn’t take long for people to start arguing again about what that meant. To start labeling and pointing fingers and thinking once again that the monsters weren’t the terrorists but them, the ones on the other side of the aisle.

This is natural. But God doesn’t call us to live in the natural, does He? He calls us to #BeBetter than what we are in the flesh. To strive to live in the Spirit, who lives in us. Does God choose who to love based on their decisions? Their color? Their gender? Their political views?

God isn’t bound by these tribal tendencies. God knows who the ultimate Us V. Them belongs to, and it’s not in humanity. We don’t have the eyes to see that spiritual war between Good and Evil most of the time, but we can have the eyes to see this basic truth:

That person who disagrees with you? God loves them. They are not beyond redemption. They are Just–Like–Us. Sinners until they accept the extension of Jesus’ grace. And how do we, limited in our view as we are, know if or when that will happen? We don’t. All we know is that God loves them. And so, as His children, we are called to do the same.

I do not and cannot agree with an awful lot of things prevalent in this world. I’m not supposed to. I’m called to stand against them. I’m called to hate evil. I’m called to name it for what it is. But “evil” is not a person. And when I hear views that I label as such coming from a human mouth, my role is not to denounce the person. My role is to find a way to be like Paul–to be “everything to everyone.” To find common ground with that person, so that I can love them. So that they can connect with and love me. And once we’re part of the same tribe–even if just for a moment–to show them who God is.

God is bigger than a tribe or a town or a city or a nation. God is bigger than liberal or conservative. And He calls us to be bigger too. To #BeBetter. To be better today than we were yesterday. To be better than our human natures want to be. To be better than we think we can, because it hurts.

But we have Christ in us. And that means we can do all things. We can be in pain, or we can be in bliss. We can be the victors or the defeated. We can be in prison or we can be in the White House. We can be rich or poor, hungry or full. We can #BeBetter. When we can’t achieve it through our own power, we can achieve it through His.

And so, my friends, can They. Our fight, remember, is not against the people of this world. It’s against the powers of darkness. But we can’t fight the ultimate Them if we’re so busy squabbling with our own.

My challenge–to you and to myself–is to stop seeing those of opposing views as Them. And when we find ourselves actually face-to-face with someone who falls in that camp, to focus on finding that commonality rather than our differences. Find what makes them Us. And then love them.

Let’s see what that might change.

When we’re talking about Us Vs. Them, there’s no story I’ve examined it more fully in than A Soft Breath of Wind. Zipporah can see into the spiritual realm–she actually knows who is out to “get them.” But still, she has to face God will–not to hate or condemn or let her own emotions rule her, but to find a way to love her greatest enemy.

And so, for the first time, signed copies of A Soft Breath of Wind are on sale from my online store! And the ebook is always $3.99.

As I’m sure is no secret to you, we live in what’s being called an “Outrage Society.” People seem to love to get their dander up. To point fingers. To be offended. To declare each other unreasonable, stupid, and declare for all of social media to see that if you think that then we can’t be friends.

We live in a world where people have become addicted to that flash of anger. The increase in adrenaline that comes with being outraged. We live in a world where, though we say that all opinions matter and are equally valid, what we really mean is that our opinions matter and are more “equally” valid than any other, and those who think otherwise are monsters.

We live in a world where people are so quick to pick a fight. So quick to take a side. So quick to vilify the other.

I’ve long been sorrowful over that…but it wasn’t until recently that I began to think it isn’t just sad. It’s scary.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s heard rumors about what might happen after this next election. Both the left and the right have their…honestly, I don’t know what to call them other than conspiracy theories. Or in this case, conspiracy fantasies. They both want the other side to be given a big “up yours.” And both couch it in pseudo-legal ideas.

What no one seems to be pausing to consider is that when we twist the legal system to achieve our political–or moral or idealistic–goals, what we’re doing is putting ourselves in danger. Our own ideals. Our own morals. Our own politics.

When we refuse to extend fairness and respect to the other side, we’re saying we don’t value fairness and respect. 

And when we stop valuing fairness and respect, we stop getting fairness and respect.

This, my friends, is not how we can #BeBetter. This is how we become worse.

Should we argue and fight for what we believe in? Absolutely. BUT, only if we’re also arguing and fighting for our opposition’s right to believe differently. Should we have opinions on our legal and justice and political systems? Of course! So long as we also recognize that forcing our opinions on others can result only in the destruction of the system we think we’re fighting for.

What’s worth fighting for? The right to fight. The right for all sides to fight, argue, believe what they want. That’s the only way we stay a free people. That’s the only way we know we will get to keep on following our own consciences legally.

I’m sure many of you have heard or read the following, from a pastor in Germany in the days of Hitler, Martin Niemöller:

I’ve always found that striking. But these days, as I hear people on both the right and left calling for things that are not only illegal in the American justice system but would in fact set a precedent for tearing apart that whole system, I can’t help but think this is even more dangerous. Because we have people not just not speaking out. We have people–good people, godly people–cheering. Hoping they “come for” the opposition.

Have you done that? Have I? Have we gotten so caught up in our frustration over what we deem wrong that we cheer at the thought of others’ destruction? Maybe…probably. It fulfills that need inside to be proven right. Those conspiracy fantasies (I like that phrase, I’m gonna keep it, LOL) make us feel like we’re winning, like good is triumphing over evil.

But here’s the thing. Our King chose to be crucified. Our Lord chose humility. Our Savior tells us to love and not hate. To champion grace, not just justice. To seek to show Him to our enemies, not to show them. Our God calls us to #BeBetter.

So I really have to ask. What’s worth fighting for?

Not just my side. Not just your side. We, my friends, need to be fighting for the freedom to choose a side at all. We need to be fighting not for a win, but for Him. And He had quite a lot to say about enemies. That it isn’t even about what we do. It’s about what’s in our hearts.

So I guess that’s my answer. What’s worth fighting for? The hearts of mankind. And that isn’t a battle waged in political arenas or courtrooms. It’s one waged on our knees.

Let’s stop being outraged. And let’s start being outspoken about His love.

The last few weeks, my dad (who happens to be my pastor) has been preaching through the Ten Commandments. He recently covered number five–the first commandment to contain a promise. Now, he had plenty of material to get through with the focus he chose, and he said up front he wasn’t even going to touch on how to honor parents who don’t meet a basic definition of good. Namely:

The ones who abandon their kids.

The ones who abuse and misuse.

The ones who neglect.

The ones who hurt.

I totally get why he focused where he did–but I also wanted to say, “No, say more! Talk about that too!” LOL. Because let’s face it.

Far too many people today don’t have good parents. They don’t have parents who make it easy to honor them. So how are they to obey that commandment?

First, a disclaimer: my parents are awesome. They have always been there with love and encouragement. They taught me to honor God and value family. So in no way do I have firsthand experience with this topic. But I do have secondhand experience. I have friends and family who have to ask this question. It’s also a question I’ve had to deal with when I wrote Giver of Wonders, in which my heroine’s father all but forces his daughters into prostitution (not exactly uncommon in the ancient world, sadly). It made me view things in a new way, to be sure.

So. The fifth commandment.

As Paul points out in Ephesians 6, this is the first commandment that promises something in return for obedience: that your days may be long upon the land. Have you ever paused to consider why honoring your parents carries the promise of a long life?

I think there are several sides to it. First of all, in the ancient world, parents had the right of life and death over their children. Even into New Testament days in the Roman Empire, a father could at any point in time kill his children with no consequences, because they were considered his property. So there’s a simple logic to this–honor your parents, because they could kill you if you don’t, LOL. Dishonoring them, even in the Law of Moses, could result in stoning. But at a certain point–the point where your life starts to stretch out too long upon the land–it’s not your parents you’re still probably worried about. It’s your kids. And where will your kids have learned how to treat you? By watching how you treat your parents. They hear every sigh, every grumble, see every eye roll, and they pay attention. If we treat our parents with disrespect, that’s the lesson our kids are going to internalize in how they should treat us.

But that’s assuming they see us getting to treat our parents in any way–it’s assuming they’re there. What about when the parents are absent? Or cruel? Abusive? Selfish?

I think it’s worth noting the word Moses uses here. Honor. As my dad pointed out in his sermon, the Hebrew word used here implies a weight. Responsibility. Burden. It’s heavy business. Note that it does not say “obey.” That’s the word we often use, especially in “quick and easy” translations for our kids. “Obey your parents!” Pointed look. But that’s a whole different word. Obedience might be part of honoring–sometimes, especially when the kids are younger. But as they age? Whole different thing there. As we grow into adults and have kids of our own, it’s not a matter of obeying our parents’ every command anymore. It’s a matter of treating them with respect, of accepting the burden of care for them as they grow weaker.

How to do that with a parent with whom you have little to no relationship? As I struggled with this question in Cyprus’s story, the only good answer I could find was that she needed to fight for her father’s soul, even when he’d given up. She disobeys his direct word in order to minister to him and care for him. She prayed for him. She loved him in a way he’d never loved her–selflessly, with an agape love.

The question came up for me again in my most recent release An Hour Unspent. Barclay, a now-reformed thief, has spent his life creating a family of fellow orphans, and he’s taught them all the lessons his mother taught him: we never steal from family, we never give stolen items as gifts, we always look out for each other. But when he eventually comes face to face with his mother again in the story, he’s in for a surprise. Because the things she taught him, that he believes and espoused, had only been conveniences for her–ways to keep him in line and doing what she wanted him to do. The woman he sees now is a user, one who only sees what she can gain from any situation. How is he supposed to honor her, when she’s not only undeserving but will harm the family he’s adopted?

This is going to look different in every situation. Sometimes, I think it’s very important to maintain distance, for the sake of the families of which we’re the head. We have to protect our kids from people who will hurt them. But we also want them to see us trying. Maybe that means praying for that absent or abusive parent every day. Maybe it means offering financial support in a safe way–not to enable them to drink or smoke or shoot it away, but to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. Maybe it means encouraging them to get help.

Regardless, it’s going to mean forgiving them for the wrongs they’ve done us and the hurt they’ve caused. That may be the hardest thing. The heaviest thing. But that’s what honor is about–and it wasn’t a command given only in regards to deserving parents. It was a command given in regards to all parents. 

It’s easy to love those who love us, right? Our true test comes in how we treat our enemies–and sometimes, sadly, that’s our own families. Until we do that–until we can do that–we’ll be teaching our kids that bitterness is okay. That when someone deserves our disrespect, that’s what we ought to give them. 

But that’s how the world acts. We want to #BeBetter. We want to show them a better way–a way that exemplifies Christ. A way that loves the unlovable and forgives the unforgivable. Because that is the only way we grow. That’s the only way we change the world–by showing the next generation how to treat those who hurt us. 

When we honor, we prove ourselves worthy of honor. And that’s how we live long upon the land.

Amazon | Signed from my store | Barnes & Noble

Amazon | Signed from my store | Barnes & Noble | CBD

I’m by no means the first person to tackle this subject, and no doubt others have done it better than me. But last week when I wrote about “Actions, Reactions, and Being Better,” I had an anonymous comment accusing me of “woman shaming/blaming.” Another of those phrases that has been tossed around and turned into a fad, but which I think is often misunderstood.

But you know what? Part of the goal to #BeBetter is to know what shame is and why sometimes we need it.

First, let’s cover where shame is bad and where you will NOT find me doing me.

Here’s the definition of shame (the noun) according to Merriam-Webster, the writer’s go-to dictionary:

1: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety

    b

: the susceptibility to such emotion //

have you no shame?

2

: a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute : ignominy

// the shame of being arrested

3a

: something that brings censure or reproach

also

: something to be regretted : pity // 

it’s a shame you can’t go

 
b

: a cause of feeling shame

One of the reasons I love writing historicals is to show that the heart of humanity has never changed. No matter whether you’re talking about ancient Egyptians or modern Americans or anything in between, there are a few things that we will always seek–our dreams, our goals, our pleasures, family, love, escape from the things we fear.

But we think we’ve changed. Evolved. Graduated out of certain things. I wonder though. I wonder if we have.

This has been quite a year so far, hasn’t it? Gun violence, sexual impropriety, you name it. We’ve had the #metoo movement, new scandal in the Catholic church, and the Christian publishing industry is rumbling with harassment charges and other improprieties brought to the fore as well.

And my heart hurts. Not just for the women who have suffered (though of course, I ache for them). Not just for the men who may have been accused unjustly but will not be given an “innocent until proven guilty” look from anyone again. Not just for the victims and families ripped apart by violence. Not even just for the church that keeps taking a pounding.

I ache for humanity, who has still not learned that it’s not enough to react.

I’ve been chewing on these thoughts for weeks, months, and I’m still not sure I can adequately put them into words, but I want to try. I want to try so that you can add your words and thoughts, and others can add theirs, and maybe at some point, someone will hit upon something that will actually allow for change.

At any rate, here is what I keep coming back to:

Reacting isn’t enough.

Treating the symptoms isn’t enough.

As long as this is all we do, we’re going to keep on doing it forever, because nothing is ever going to change.

It isn’t enough to tell men, “You hurt me.” It isn’t enough for others to say, “Now you’ll be punished.” We have to first teach people what is sacred, to have respect. We have to change the heart–not just the actions. Both are required to achieve real change in society–teaching first, enforcement second.

The idea of “sexual freedom” has led us so quickly to this, and I will never believe anyone who tells me otherwise. A generation of women has systematically broadcast the message that sex isn’t something sacred, their bodies aren’t something to be respected, and since it’s just fun, why not indulge whenever you want? On their terms, of course. Only ever on their terms.

But when something is offered more or less freely–free of consequences, free of entanglements, free of stigma, free of judgment–it’s only one short step down to thinking it’s something you don’t even have to ask for, right?

And from a society that thinks sex is something to be enjoyed whenever they please, it’s only one short step down from thinking it’s something they have a right to take whenever they please. And from there, one more step down to thinking they should take it whenever they please, from whomever they please. Should they, do they? No. But that’s the message the people of this age have received.

Why?

Because that’s what they’ve been taught. We’ve gone from tolerating to accepting to applauding sexual promiscuity in both men and women. We fantasize about it and champion it. And then we’re outraged when it’s abused and misused.

Yes, the abuse and misuse is terrible. I hate it. But just reacting with outrage will NEVER change it.

Let’s turn for a second to the church. You know what was in the headlines the week before 9/11? Sexual scandal in the Catholic church. And that certainly wasn’t the first time it hit the news. This has obviously been around for a long, loooooong time. Why? Because instead of being dealt with, the accused priests are just moved somewhere else, and the hierarchy accuses the media of sensationalizing and attacking. There are people who have admitted they became priests SO THAT they could prey on people with no consequences, knowing if they were caught and accused, they’d simply be moved elsewhere. I’m sure those cases are few. But the fact that they exist at all points to a major flaw in the system that the church doesn’t seem inclined to correct.

So how do we fix it? That’s the question, right? How to teach people to respect each other? How do we teach people that some things are sacred? How to make them actually change?

This seemed like a really hard question to answer until I read Love Does and Everybody Always by Bob Goff. He presented an answer to this very question that is both ridiculously simple and ridiculously hard. LOVE THEM.

At the end of his second book, Mr. Goff talks about witchdoctors in Uganda. These are people who have been hated and feared since the dawn of time. So feared that even the justice system never dared to arrest and accuse and try them. Until finally they did, and justice finally began to move.

But that wasn’t enough. Because it only reacted to the problem. It treated the symptoms. It didn’t cure the disease. So they started educating the witchdoctors. They started loving them. They started telling them that God loved them too. And you know what? Now the people who were once sacrificing children, are saving them.

This is the power of love. This is how real change is made. We teach people to respect life, to respect each other, to love each other. We show them the better way–and we punish those who abuse it. Quickly and effectively. We demand of each other that we Be. Better.

I joked to my best friend that instead of just #MeToo, we needed the hashtag #StopBeingASchmuck or maybe #BeBetter. The first was just me being silly, but the second has some truth in it. It isn’t easy to be better. But if it’s something we desire, it’s achievable. First, though, we have to inspire that desire.

Let’s love each other. Let’s love the monsters as well as the victims because it’s those who deserve it least who end up valuing it most. Those forgiven much will love much. Let’s teach each other that love comes first, and that where there is love, there is respect. There is sanctity. And where there is love, respect, and sanctity, there is the Good.

We can’t just keep reacting. We have to #BeBetter.

Wondering if I’ve ever dealt with issues of sexual abuse or misuse of power in my books? Here are a few of my stories that have heroines who have been forced into such situations and experience the healing power of a God who is love and the people who choose to embody Him.

In A Stray Drop of Blood, Abigail is a slave forced to the bed of her master. She doesn’t speak up because she doesn’t think she has a voice, and she fears the consequences if she does. But Abigail learns that even in her darkest hour, her God really does hear even her. Purchase a signed copy HERE.

In Jewel of Persia, Kasia finds herself a member of a harem–one of many women not just in her husband’s past, but in his present. How can she love a man who doesn’t value the sacred union like she does? Purchase a signed copy HERE.

In The Reluctant Duchess, Rowena suffers what today would be classified as date rape. And her father’s answer is to try to make her marry the man who attacked her. She ends up accepting the help of another man–a kind, Godly man–but learning to trust him is no easy task. Purchase a signed copy HERE.