I can say in complete honestly that yesterday evening was just terrible. As in, took me all night to recover. Why, you ask? Because my daughter has a loose tooth.

Now, Xoe has lost four teeth already, and they were FINE. No pain, little bleeding, no prob’m. Yesterday, this tooth twisted into a very funny position and hurt every time she touched it. And my brave little princess who withstood a broken elbow with nary a whimper had a complete meltdown over this. As in, four solid hours of crying. And what really got me was what she was crying: “Get it out, get it out–but don’t touch it.”

Last night, I broke out all the philosophy and truisms I could think of. Though reasoning with a panicked 7-year-old…yeah, um, didn’t accomplish anything. But oh, how it got me thinking.

Because that, right there, is so often me. Not over the physical ouchies, those I can handle. But when we dig deeper–oh yeah. I can imagine God in the same agony I was in last evening, wanting so much to help me while I thrash around insisting He make it go away but not DO anything.

At one point last night, I said to my sweet girl, “Doing nothing will never accomplish anything. Ever. If you want something to change, you have to do something.”

Yet how often do we complain about something in our lives, beg and plead for God to change it, but then sit on our duffs and cry “Stop!” at the first twinge of unease? And much like tooth v. elbow, I’m not talking about the Big Stuff. I’m talking about the everyday.

We want to see our enterprises, our churches, our businesses, our online presences grow…but we don’t want to give up our time, resources, ideas, or prayers to achieve it. We are, in those moments, nothing but screaming children who can’t see our own hypocrisy. Caught in our own inertia, paralyzed by our own fear…or exhaustion…or hunger.

Because we’re hungry. We’re so, so hungry that we feel we can’t move. We want more…or better…or different…and we can see it. We can see the others who sell more, grow more, give more, get more. Why can’t we? Why hasn’t God given us the desires of our heart?

After dealing with a little one who refused food or drink half the day from fear, I have new insight into that. Our beloved Father isn’t withholding what we need. We’re refusing it. We’re not ready. We’re too afraid. We’re too tired. In order to take what he’s offering, we have to move. We have to say, “It’s okay if it hurts.” We have to be willing to do what it takes.

What’s your tooth today? Are you ready to say, “Get it out, Lord, whatever it takes. I trust you.” … Or are you still crying, “Make it go away–just don’t touch it!”?

First, I’m a guest today on Inkwell Inspirations, musing on how the Lord calms our storms. It’s one of my favorite insights (even made its way into Whispers from the Shadows!), so do swing by!

Now, I’ll be honest. I didn’t really want to blog today. I’m ten days out from my deadline, still have 10,000 words to cut from Circle of Spies, plus another read-through to check for typos, and I’m feeling the pressure. Not to mention that I still need to design a map for the front. And a family tree. Oh, and take care of a lot of WhiteFire business that I’m trying not to neglect.

Yeah. No pressure.

But let’s, again be honest. When am I not pressed for time? LOL. So I tell myself to get over it. And I wonder what to muse on today. Slowly, the realization comes.

Reactions. This here, my blogging when I’d rather keep my nose to the manuscript-grindstone, is a reaction. A thought-out response to an internal debate. Not that big a deal, to be sure, but it’s an indicator of how I react to the stressors in my life. Generally speaking, I moan and groan a little, then I get to work. One thing I thankfully inherited from my family is a strong work ethic. Maybe I’m not out in the fields planting crops or putting in long days at a job site, but from dawn to bedtime, I’m at my computer every moment I can be. Working on one or the other of my many projects. My hubby frequently walks by, sees me still at it, and says, “I wish I loved my job as much as you do!”

When it comes to work, I know my reactions are usually what they need to be. But life, now…those can be harder, can’t they? But the more I pause to consider it, the more I realize that it’s not just our actions that define us, that judge us–it’s our reactions.

It’s not just whether I set out to deal fairly–it’s how I respond when someone deals unfairly with me.

It’s not just that I teach my kids to obey–it’s how I respond when they don’t.

It’s not just that I reach out in love–it’s how I respond when someone lashes back at me.

My hubby has some hard business decisions before him (not for the publishing biz), and we were talking about it yesterday. Talking about how, if it were solely a business decision, the answer would be simple. But being us, we can’t separate business decisions from moral decisions. We need to make sure we’re doing what the Lord wants us to do.

Because when it comes down to it, we’re not judged on how people treat us–we’re judged on how we react to them. Sometimes, that goes against our ideas of “fair.” And we want to think that the world will recognize that. Truth? They don’t. They don’t often care how long we’re beaten up or snarled out. They only care whether we fight or forgive.

Now, God never instructed us to be doormats. So sometimes He’ll call us to fight. To chastise. To punish. But other times, He calls us to relent. And knowing which is right in a given situation requires communication with Him.

As I’m in this time of looming deadlines, it’s so easy to respond poorly. To yell when I should smile, to sigh when I should laugh, to growl when I should get up. But I’m challenging myself today to guard my every reaction, to treat it as if it were an action, deliberated and decided upon. To squelch the off-the-cuff and focus on the from-the-heart.

Because I know it matters. I know that’s what defines me. And I know who I want to be.